YOU must have seen the posters on York's buses: Four homes in Etty Avenue do not have TV licences. Well, it so incensed fair-minded, 42-year-old Mick Thomas, of rickshaw and delivery trike fame, that he decided to get his own back by displaying a poster on his tricycle which reads: Four homes on Stockton Lane YO31 don't have bicycles.

Mick co-runs - or should that be pedals? - Wheel Alternatives, based at St Nicholas Fields, just off Lawrence Street, with Chris Hamm. He thought the bus ads about TV licences unfairly stigmatised York's Etty Avenue.

So he decided he would poke a bit of fun at posh Stockton Lane's expense and get over the message that York needs more environmentally-friendly vehicles.

And he even unashamedly admits being responsible for 13,500 missing vans in York.

He reckons that in the 11 months since starting the delivery service for letters, legal documents, packages, and just about anything that will fit into his trike-pulled trolley, Wheel Alternatives has shifted more than 225 tonnes that would have involved van or truck deliveries in traffic-choked York.

It set off last March 2000 with one rider collecting and delivering within the outer ring road and now employs four riders on special load-carrying trikes capable of loads of more than a quarter of a ton each.

They now have four trike and four ordinary bikes.

Mick, former lighting designer and electrician at York's Theatre Royal and Grand Opera House, says: "Businesses in York really want to deal with the traffic problem and until we started they had no option but to use vans, even for one box or letter across the city. Now we have become a familiar, if odd, sight in the city. Some people think we work for the police, or the council because our high-visibility vests look official.

"We often find ourselves directing tourists, or returning lost children to their parents or teachers. One driver even wanted to pay me his parking fine!"

Nobody had any idea what was possible using modern load-carrying bikes as a serious transport option, but the 225,000 kgs of goods delivered so far by Wheel Alternatives have inspired similar initiatives in Darlington, Sheffield, London, Bath and Edinburgh.

As a bit of light relief during the weekends last summer, the big bikes were converted to rickshaws, gave paid-for rides to 2,500 children at 20 York primary schools and raised more than £300 for schools' funds.

"We'll try our hand at delivering anything," says Mick. "Last year it was 400 meals to Morris dancers all over the York. We even deliver important documents to the Commons. We just put the trike on a train, get to London, then pedal like hell to the Houses of Parliament. We can get to Parliament from Kings Cross faster than any black cab.

"We can convert the trikes into rickshaws and have made sure more than a few brides have got to the church on time. We've only refused one job - someone asked us to deliver his Ford Fiesta to Mexico!"

The 42-geared bikes each cost £3,000 and Mick says he has shed three stones since he became a full-time pedal-pusher. "The gears are so good I could pedal up Garrowby Hill," he boasts.

At this point Mick's mobile rings... then he's on his bike to Bishopthorpe.

ON Thursday, former York estate agent Paul Stansfield was made a member of the Scriveners' Guild and became a Freeman of the City of London.

Millionaire Paul, 47, was educated at St Peter's and was for many years the senior partner of Stansfield & Son before selling the business to the Prudential in 1989. Paul is now a director of Piltonland Plc, a property developing company in swanky New Bond Street, London. He recently hit the national headlines with his bid to buy the Dome to develop it as a venue for rock concerts and other major events. Paul says he will be bidding again if the Legacy bid falls through.

He tells me he is honoured to have been asked to become a Freeman but says he is not planning to take advantage of one ancient right granted to him on Thursday.

"As a Freeman, I am allowed to herd a flock of sheet across London Bridge. Having seen the amount of traffic there I think it far kinder to the sheep, and much safer for me, if I stick to dealing with property!"

A scrivener, by the way, is a scribe or notary.

TORRENTIAL rain saturated poor old Stamford Bridge yet again. The next morning the floodwaters came up about six feet in most of the low-lying homes.

Madge was sitting on her roof with her neighbour, Maureen, waiting for help.

Maureen noticed a flat cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front of the house and float all the way back. It kept floating away from the house, then back in again, over and over.

Mystified Maureen asked Madge: "Do you see that flat cap floating away from the house, then back again?"

Madge replied: "Oh yes, that's just my husband Syd, I told him he was going to cut the grass today come hell or high water!"

Yes, I know, flooding is no joke but if you didn't laugh you would weep. And we don't need more water, do we?

GMTV was broadcast from the Emmerdale set recently and as the production crew ambled to Leeds by train, they decided to have a crack at the London Evening Standard's crossword. Three hours later, the 20-strong crew still hadn't finished the word teaser as their steel centipede crawled in to Leeds.

One clue they got stuck on was: "A god" with the letters "DxIxY" already filled in. Thick as a bull's lug!

How do I know this? My mate's girlfriend was sitting in the same carriage as the breakfast-time brainboxes.

LITTLE Penny from Pocklington listened as her mother read one of her favourite fairy tales. "Mummy," she interrupted, "do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time?'"

"No, sweetheart," replied mum, "sometimes they start with 'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight...'"

I WAS at a wedding in Selby last week when Mavis the spinster moaned to me: "I used to hate going to weddings. My old aunts would to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and say : 'You're next.'

"They stopped all that after I started saying the same thing to them at funerals."