Row escalates

Hold hard, it is only a quirky picture computer-generated by photography student Denise Curran of Bishopthorpe Road. The 41-year-old mum of one little girl was given a task: produce a picture based on a famous saying. She chose 'The Camera Never Lies' and set about her project.

She took, not literally of course, the escalator from Marks & Spencer, the flowers from Tesco and the tower left behind in York by a bunch of Normans to produce this striking, surreal composition.

"I don't agree with the Coppergate shops and restaurants development, so this picture is my little protest while fulfilling my college project," says chirpy Denise.

The former engineering technician with an eye for the bizarre was taken aback when I suggested I might pass on her idea of an escalator up to Clifford's Tower the next time I meet my council mole. Only kidding, Denise.

u Wealth warning: riding a bike can cost you anything from £30 in York... if you're caught pedalling on a pavement.

The city's police caught up with a mate of mine recently for riding on the footpath near the Fox and Hounds on Tadcaster Road. He says he was avoiding cars which come too close. It cost him a £30 fixed penalty fine and a ticking-off from plod.

It seems the local force is keeping a close eye on pavement pedallers after complaints from pedestrians that the footpaths are unsafe. A police spokesman told me: "There is a pecking order of hatred. Pedestrians slag off cyclists, cyclists castigate car drivers and they all seem to hate each other. But we won't tolerate cyclists riding over pavements, especially when they jump traffic lights just to save a few seconds.

"We have these crackdowns from time to time and we generally issue verbal warnings. Pedestrian-only footpaths are not for cyclists!"

So the police are blitzing the junction of Blossom Street and Holgate Road just now, so be warned.

I know of one guy who was fined £70 after court proceedings for riding on the pavement at just that spot and he had only one foot on the pedal and was 'scooting along'.

My mate who was fined £30 only got angry when the policeman who stopped him began asking about his job.

"I knew I was going to get a ticket because I was bang to rights. But I wasn't going to stand there and be late for work while he gave me a lecture. I had 28 days to pay the fine so I paid it... on the 28th day."

u FOR nigh on 600 years Yorkies have been saying to each other: "I'll meet you under the clock outside Marks & Spencer at (fill in your own time)..."

So it is about time it told the right time. It's been wrong for ages. It could have called time on many a relationship row, not to mention marital mayhem.

u WOLF, who draws the Yorkatt cartoon on the facing page, was over the moon with his new colour printer until it flashed this message: "Printer received request for media that is currently not loaded."

Ever one for tight and pithy English, he railed at the USA-made machine: "Why don't you just say 'out of paper' for goodness sake!"

u THE bald truth is that most men dread losing their locks and becoming a slap-head. But if you are over 25, have thinning hair and want to get ahead race down to Boots in Coney Street, York. Tomorrow you could be discovered as the Male Face Of 2001 and be head and shoulders above the rest.

Proctor & Gamble, makers of circ, a new haircare range for men with thinning hair, have linked up with Models 1 and Boots The Chemist to search out a new star older male model.

Men can still be sexy long after they've blown out the candles on their 25th birthday cake - just think Russell Crowe, Mel Gibson... and me!

So what has this got to do with a new male haircare brand which claims to 'ficken up 'yer 'finning follicles?

Mark Evans, from Models 1, explains: "One of the biggest problems for older men is thinning hair. That's why we've teamed up with circ to run the male model competition. It allows men of all hair types to make the most of what they've got, by giving an immediate appearance of thicker-looking hair."

Apparently almost a quarter of all British men are visibly thinning by their mid-twenties and this increases to 50 per cent by the age of 50.

Talent scouts will be swarming around York's Coney Street/ Market Street tomorrow looking for anyone over 25 they think could represent Proctor & Gamble as an older male model.

If you miss the talent-spotters you can send two recent photographs (one head and shoulders, and a full length shot) with your name and address printed clearly on the reverse of each photograph.

Send them, along with details of your age, height, chest and waist measurements, your suit size and contact telephone number to: circ Male Model competition, Dept 340, Freepost ANG 8107, Diss, Norfolk, IP98 3SP.

Contestants will be advised by telephone if they are 'heading' to the national final held in Kent on April 28.

The overall winner will be signed up by Models 1 and will receive a model portfolio and their initial test shoot with a top photographer, plus £1,000 in cash and a £500 gift voucher from Vidal Sassoon Hair Salons. There will be six runners-up, who will each receive a £250 Vidal gift voucher.

Meanwhile, I have six prizes - each worth about £17 - of the complete circ range of hair-thickening products to give away including: shampoo, spray-on fullness conditioner, styling/cooling gel and scalp moisturiser.

So if you want to be "thick" and a winner just answer this question:

What is a follicle?

Send your answer on a postcard with your name, address and daytime phone number to Heads You Win Competition, Dick Turpin, PO Box 29, 76/86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN by next Friday.