WHEN I was 14 and went to serve my time as an apprentice jockey an old stableman said to me: "Son, you'll go through life and there's three things you will never see:

A bookie wearing bicycle clips.

A fat jockey.

A dead donkey.

Fifty five years on I have seen none of these. If I come across my old stableman friend at the 'Royal Ascot in the sky' I will tell him that I've found one to add to the list:

A politician that can put hand on heart and deny ever telling a porkie.

Ken Holmes,

South Duffield Road,

Cliffe Common, Selby.

Updated: 11:05 Tuesday, May 15, 2001