LOL Cussons has got to be the oldest ref in the country. At 73, the sprightly man in black referees in the York and District Saturday and Sunday leagues and the Ryedale league - back where his illustrious career in football began 50 years ago when he worked at Terry's chocolate factory in York.

During his big-league days he has reffed such stars as George Best, Bobby Charlton, Denis Law, Nobby Stiles and Brian Clough, to name but a few.

Those days he was lucky to clear £150 a season for blowing the whistle on all the big names.

"Top class refs got ten guineas a match, the tax man took £3.33 and we travelled to games on second class rail tickets and got a small amount in expenses. So we certainly weren't in it for the money," recalls the smiling, white-haired, all-action ref who still enjoys every match.

"In 50 years I have only sent off five players. I would rather calm them down, give them a Polo mint (his trademark, down the years) or reprimand them with a gee-up such as 'A player of your ability ought not to be doing that' or 'Do that again and I'll tell my missus. She'll sort you out!'

"That normally calms the rowdies down," says Lol.

One of his prize possessions is a match programme from the clash between Newcastle and Manchester United from April 12, 1969, which was shown that night on Match Of The Day.

Man U's legendary goal-poaching ace Denis Law wrote on the front cover: "To Lol, best wishes. PS: I hate referees!"

The programme cost one shilling but to Lol it is beyond price.

"I once offered George Best a Polo during a game and he said he would rather have a drink," he laughs.

Lol's eyes sparkle as he recalls reffing a charity match between York City's "giant killers of the 1954-55 season and a team of professional wrestlers including TV Jackie Pallo and the great Masambula. Mid-way through the second half, Masambula picked me up like a rugby ball, ran the length of the field and scored a try with me under York's goalposts.

"The crowd were stitches!"

Lol says he will keep reffing until he hasn't got enough puff to blow the whistle.

He recalls running one York district league match about ten years ago when he was 63-ish.

"One of the players said 'My dad told me you were an old b***er when you reffed his games 15 years ago!'"

But today's players have the utmost respect for Lol, his trusty whistle and his ever-present Polos. Keep on running, Lol.

- A PROMOTIONAL ploy designed to lure customers into a York shop has been condemned as "disgusting and offensive" by one passer-by.

But the owners of Blue Moon Trading, in Goodramgate, who hit the headlines after their saucy garden gnomes caused a storm of protest, say the 'offending' poster is an innocent plug for Indonesian digeridoos.

The couple have posted a sign in the window of their shop which reads: "Want a nice blowjob? Original teak digeridoos £24.95."

One woman passer-by who spotted the sign thought it was the height of bad taste.

She said: "I am disgusted. What will visitors think?"

She did not want to named, but I can't help wondering how she knows it was in bad taste.

Linda Sykes, who runs the shop with her husband Stuart, says: "I'm just a country girl myself and I don't know what these city folk are going on about. I can't see anything rude or offensive about it at all. We thought it was just the best way of explaining the word 'digeridoo', because it's something you blow and that's the job you're doing when you're playing it."

She said since the sign went up digeridoo sales have come on a treat.

"There have been plenty of giggles and laughter and we've sold quite a few as well," she added. "There's enough doom and gloom about so it's nice to see people with a smile on their face."

Last month the Evening Press told how a group of American tourists had been so disgusted by the naughty gnomes on display outside the shop that they fled the city.

The Polish-made figures include one exposing himself and another making a one-fingered gesture, along with others in saucy poses.

Previously the police have asked that the gnomes private parts be obscured and last year the couple were forced to remove the gnomes from the pavement by council officials.

- YOU can't keep Middlesbrough lads down. Boro-mad Trevor Copeland, landlord of the Ship Inn, Strensall, went into York District Hospital on Wednesday for vital surgery just below his ear.

Blow me, on Thursday night he was back behind the bar serving ale and giving orders.

"Just like old times," quipped one regular.

The really bad news is that, because Boro were knocked out of the FA Cup by Arsenal, the Christmas lights that had been blazing since last year's festivities in tribute to his beloved team are now back in the box.

"I promised to take them down when our cup run came to an end or keep them blazing all year round if we won," says the irrepressible Trevor.

Trevor, you are mint!

- IT was a calculated attack on some of the top accountants in Yorkshire - but they laughed it off. It came from silver-tongued solicitor John Eaton, of Lupton Fawcett, he who gained chucklepower by appearing in Footlights revues at Cambridge University with the likes of John Cleese, Bill Oddy and Graham Chapman.

He was addressing the annual dinner of Yorkshire's Institute of Directors at posh Rudding House just outside Harrogate this week when he informed the number crunchers in his midst: "There are only three types of accountant - those who can add up and those who can't." John's got their number!

- GET yourself down the Phoenix Inn nestling by the bar walls in York's George Street on Wednesday evening and help put St George's Church windows in...

No, not with a brick, but with cash. Landlords Barry and Barbara Stickney are hosting a charity quiz night from 8.30pm when all money raised will go towards the £20,000 cost of restoring St George's windows.

First prize is a Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? game and there will be many others in the raffle.

You are guaranteed a fun night while supporting a worthy cause and the ale is as fit as a rat catcher's dog, too!

Updated: 10:19 Saturday, May 04, 2002