Beware men in brown shoes! Understandably, being a man-watcher this headline from a national newspaper caught my eye. It referred to remarks made by Lord Curzon, an eminent politician from the 1920s, who was very nearly prime minister.

Allegedly, he felt that for anyone with 'serious business to perform' sporting footwear of such a colour was like showing your mother-in-law a dirty postcard.

The article went on to ponder what the Lord would have made of the England World Cup squad being kitted out in brown shoes - light brown ones at that (a worse crime).

- believe that men commit far more serious fashion faux pas than brown shoes. My pet hates include:

- So called 'Jesus' sandals with socks. I'm not even sure whether this type of sandal - brown leather with straps over the foot - is still available, having been replaced by black waterproof things - but some men still wear them. A man who - typically, I suppose - works in my local library, can be seen in this combination (sadly, for him, with what looks like a Peruvian-style, heavy-knit jumper and brown trousers). And, while shopping in Tesco, I spotted my GP wearing them (prior to this, my friends and I thought him very desirable).

- Short-sleeved shirts. Not half as 'manly' as long sleeves rolled up. White ones make men look like dentists, blue ones like pilots - only without the jacket, cap and aeroplane which, as we all know, are a true babe-magnet combination.

- Trousers ironed with a centre crease - make blokes look geeky and awkward.

- Any blue denim jeans that couldn't be described as 'indigo' give a freshers'-week, mummy's boy look.

- High v-necked T-shirts make even thin men look fat and sweaty.

- Golfing gear, particularly on middle-aged men - Pringle-type jumpers and nondescript slacks that are tight on the bottom and slightly flared. Yuck!

This list if far from exhaustive, but if I thought for long enough I'd be here all day.

Apparently, Lord Curzon also had an aversion to men in brown suits, another of my own pet hates. "Gentleman do not wear brown suits," he is said to have remarked and, thinking about it, not many modern day men other than young lads on placements with recruitment agencies, wear them.

Thankfully, my husband also dislikes them, and a former colleague recounted once how he fled a job in a pizza restaurant after just two hours because he couldn't cope with wearing the brown jacket and trousers that made up the uniform.

While writing this column, I discovered to my horror that my husband does, in fact, wear brown shoes. Dark brown, I might add, in Dr Marten's-style.

But really, before we take this too far and let it spoil the forthcoming tournament (after all the squad were not wearing brown suits too, but navy), let's not forget that a certain member of the team - the captain none-the-less - also has a penchant for sarongs and, if I remember rightly, his wife's knickers.

I wonder what Lord Curzon would have made of that?

Updated: 10:28 Monday, May 20, 2002