Help, I'm confused. For the past week, in fact ever since thousands of people took to the streets to battle for the legal right to hunt down and kill wildlife, I have heard more than a few damning remarks against a certain section of the population.
No, we're not talking racism or sexism here. We're talking townism, or, I suppose a better word would be urbanism.
How so-called "townies" don't understand country ways, how New Labour are all a bunch of townies, how townies are all a bunch of animal-loving vegetarians who see country life through rose coloured glasses.
I agree to some extent with the latter, having done some work experience at a popular country lifestyle magazine based, bizarrely, in the centre of London, among staff who rarely ventured beyond the M25 and who thought a Friesian was a flower.
But back to confusion - I feel this coming on when I try to place myself.
Brought up in a country village, I then spent eight years living in London and for the past 13 years I have lived in a city.
By rights - because we all tend to stay loyal to our roots - I should qualify as a country girl yet the evidence is such to throw this into doubt.
The points against are that I:
- Have never owned a Barbour jacket or a pair of green wellies.
- Hate tweeds.
- Never liked the Wurzels, even in their heyday.
- Have, out of choice - not that I've been inundated with offers you
understand - never dated a farmer.
- Despise fox hunting as inhumane and only ever considered going to the
hunt ball to stage a protest.
- Prefer small, economical cars to gas-guzzling four-wheel drives.
- Would rather frequent a 24-hour supermarket with a good range of
economy goods to a village store that charges £15.90 for a box of corn
flakes and closes on Wednesday afternoons and Sundays.
The points for are that I:
- Know to always shut gates behind me.
- Prefer a walk in the country to a stroll into town.
- Know the difference between a bantam and a guinea fowl and a ewe from a tup (and one end of a sheep from the other).
- Have served my time on potato harvesters, have plucked shedfulls of pheasants for Christmas and waded through wheat fields to pull out wild oats.
- Am certainly not vegetarian and am particularly partial to rabbit pie (so long as it has not been hunted with dogs).
- Don't mind getting my hands dirty, even if it's pig muck.
- Prefer the sound of cockerels at five in the morning to car alarms and police sirens.
As you can see its a tough one. But I think I've cracked it. I can't say I'll always take sides but, all things considered, I know that when I visit my parents and am told by the farmers in the local pub: "We showed them townies!" I would not hesitate in replying: "Showed us what?"
Updated: 10:09 Monday, September 30, 2002
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