IN THE land of the weighty child, a leading confectionery company has come up with the perfect way for children to get fit. You will not be surprised to learn that this exercise regime is based round eating chocolate.

The company in question is not ours but the other one. Cadbury is aiming a multi-million pound campaign at encouraging children to buy chocolate bars in exchange for new school sports equipment.

Parents invited to sports days will be faced with various new delights. I can hear the headteacher's voice now as it echoes over the school field from the tinny microphone...

"Hello and welcome to the Cadbury's sports day. Over there, the children are lining up for the Creme Egg and spoon race, while at the far end of the field the Flake throwing contest is about to begin. The cricket match has unfortunately been cancelled, as the Dairy Milk bats have melted in the sun. But never mind.

"Instead, the younger children can go and be entertained by James, who has dutifully eaten so many chocolate bars this term that he is now able to double up as a bouncy castle. Well done, James - but do try not to be sick on anyone this time.

"The 50 metre sprint has been cancelled. This is because it's not at all fair to the less competitive. Also, I'm not sure any of our pupils could manage to run such a terribly long way these days, what with the bellies on them. So instead you might like to take a look at a new event this year, the sumo wrestling in the big tent by the gate..."

The latest wheeze from Cadbury - and, in the circumstances, "wheeze" is just the breathless word for it - will see children encouraged to eat lots of chocolate so that their schools can take delivery of free sports equipment.

Now you might have thought the Government would have something to say about an outrageous scheme under which youngsters will be urged to scoff unhealthy, fattening food - and all in the name of sport and fitness. Well, the Government does have something to say, which can be approximately paraphrased as: "Yes, please - and get chomping now."

Tony Blair's officials were reportedly briefed on the £9 million campaign earlier this year and the Sports Minister Richard Caborn was said to have given Cadbury a glowing endorsement.

So now primary and secondary schools around Britain will receive information packs asking them to collect tokens for the Get Active Campaign, which has the support of athletes including Paula Radcliffe, for whom, until this moment, I had nothing but admiration.

With one in ten children in Britain obese and possibly heading for serious health problems, just why is Cadbury allowed to get away with such a scam? Heaven knows, but the food conglomerate is happy to pass on the message that eating cheap, sugar-drenched alleged chocolate products isn't bad for children.

The Cadburys, like the Rowntrees of York, were social-reforming Quakers who went into the cocoa and chocolate business as a morally healthy alternative to alcohol. How glumly ironic that the businesses these reformers started should have turned into global corporations supplying people with food that is generally bad for their health.

This is not, by the way, a rant against chocolate. I like the occasional piece at the weekend. However, as this is a serious leader page column, I couldn't possibly pass on my preference (although if Green and Blacks would like to send me a few free samples, I might just overcome this iron principle).

Updated: 10:33 Thursday, April 03, 2003