ANYONE who saw the TV footage of Major Charles Ingram and his vocally -challenged sidekick Tecwen Whittock on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? could not fail to be amazed by their bare-faced cheek.

But if coughing up the answer failed to net them a million, the sight of a host of spluttering film stars could net movie chiefs a whole lot more.

Celador, the company which makes Millionaire, wants to turn the exploits of the slightly dim-witted major and his daring heist into a movie blockbuster.

Ian 'Phlegm-ing's' You Only Cough Twice would surely have the cream of acting talent lining up.

Dustin 'Cough-man' could play Ingram, Hugh 'Grunt' would be a strong contender for the part of cough-prone Whittock and Meryl 'Strepsil' could shine as the major's feisty wife, Diana.

One thing is for sure, the big-screen version would have us all in a fit.

Updated: 10:13 Tuesday, April 22, 2003