I ONCE read an article about "pneumatic" model Jordan in which she was described as being "so dense that light bends round her".

I thought this rather unkind, until I heard the glamour model's reaction when she was told she had been voted the second most loathed person in Britain.

"It's 'cos they fink I'm fick" she shrieked. "Well they'll all 'ave to eat apple pie soon". Moments later her PR people told the media she had made a slight mistake - she had meant to say humble pie!

Jordan, you gave us the biggest laugh of the week - of course you're not fick. Oh, by the way, should you want to make a pie, I believe "humblers" are 40p a pound.

Ella and Zoe Hirst,

Coggan Close,

South Bank, York.

Updated: 12:02 Saturday, May 17, 2003