Arguing can be healthy in a relationship. So says an American academic who, for 30 years, has been studying what makes relationships work. But you have to know how to argue.

Couples who have the most ferocious rows shouting and throwing crockery, can still enjoy a loving and lasting relationship, the professor claims, provided they know the right way to row and how to make up afterwards.

His research - which involved a multiple-choice test as to what kind of arguer you are - found that ignoring what you see as your partner's bad behaviour is the worst thing you can do, that going to bed on a row is no bad thing and that taking time to calm down before finishing an argument is more likely to help your relationship.

I fancy being paid thousands to analyse domestic rows so I have devised my own short test based, of course, upon my own home life, and with my own conclusions.

(I am using the word "husband" simply because I hate the word "partner", but it could apply to anyone in a relationship).

1. When, in the course of conversation, a dispute seems likely to arise over a matter such as household finances, do you:

a) Calmly discuss the matter with your husband and maybe even manage to make a few notes?

b) End up getting absolutely nowhere after your husband stands up and leaves the room saying he is going to bed, leaving you frustrated and near to tears?

c) Rant and rave at each other for at least an hour while thumping your fists on the coffee table?

2. You are driving to a friend's house in a town you have not visited before and your husband's map reading skills send you ten miles in the wrong direction. Do you:

a) Laugh at his inability to read maps and stop for a break to get your bearings?

b) Get cross and make a reference to male incompetence, while he demands to get out of the car to walk the rest of the way (regardless of how far away you might be)?

c) Start screaming and almost crash the car as he tears the map book in half and hurls it through the sun roof?

3). You are about to take the children to school and need to nip to the toilet but your husband has got there first. Does this:

a) Only hold you up a minute as he hurries to let you in?

b) Cause extreme anxiety on your part as you know that your husband has only read half the three-page newspaper article he took in with him and will explode if asked to move?

c) Result in a huge argument which carries on that evening when he arrives home from work?

Results

Mostly As: Your relationship is unnaturally gooey and unhealthy.

Mostly Bs: Your relationship revolves around the irreconcilable differences between men and women and is unhealthy.

Mostly Cs: Your relationship will make you ill.

Sadly, my marriage is a mixture of B and C but if the research really is right and arguing is healthy, my husband and I should live to a ripe old age.

Updated: 11:02 Monday, July 21, 2003