I'LL just warn you first. I'm about to talk about the Beckhams.

Part of me would like to think that most people were ready to leave poor old David and Victoria alone by now, but judging by the hectares of newspaper space, the hours of broadcasting time and the volume of street-corner gossip being blown about, this one will still run and run.

Victoria turned 30 at the weekend, and got, if not a diamond as big as the Ritz, at any rate the sort of bling that constitutes a serious danger to shipping.

There was talk that this million-pound jewel may be the biggest peace offering ever made by a man to a woman. I wonder whether it was enough to thaw the chill at the matrimonial dinner table as they raised their ice-cold champagne in a hopeful toast to the future?

And there's been talk about so much more than that ring. One (male) commentator could barely stop the drool from dripping off his chins as he contemplated the intriguingly-named Rebecca Loos. He said she was the only class act in the entire sorry saga, an argument which on close examination appeared to hinge solely on the fact that Rebecca is gorgeous.

Women writers have paid sisterly attention to the Beckhams' travails largely by slagging Victoria off for being common, not Posh. Indeed, they feel posh is an adjective better applied to the privately-educated, trilingual Rebecca than to self-made, logo-loving Victoria.

Now, maybe you wouldn't want your own wedding to feature his-and-hers purple satin thrones, with a matching page boy suit thrown in for your infant son. But I question whether a bit of innocent tastelessness is as vulgar as kissing and telling for six-figure sums of money.

Some (female) columnists have gone on to take a pop at Victoria for pursuing her career in Britain instead of following her husband around Madrid, presumably with a becoming expression of rapt adoration on her face.

I will concede it is not best to conduct your married life in two separate European capitals, and I certainly believe sacrifices should be made by parents for the children they have chosen to bring into the world.

But if David had been the less successful partner, and had stayed behind to do his thing while Victoria followed her star abroad, I somehow don't think we'd be reading story after story about what a lousy husband he was for not putting his wife first.

No, the words 'heartless' and 'gad-about' would be getting an airing from the misogynists as they dissected Victoria's desertion of her wifely duties.

If the Rebecca Loos allegations are true, I feel truly sorry for the Beckhams, and I hope they make it up, in spite of having to do their suffering in the international public glare.

Countless millions of couples have been where they are standing now, and many of those not driven apart by the breach of faith go on to forge a stronger bond.

But I really hope the claims are false, and that David Beckham will be vindicated.

Because Britain needs its heroes, and because in a world where 'roasting' is as close as some footballers seem to get to a meaningful relationship, the Beckhams have been a beacon of family life.

Updated: 11:12 Wednesday, April 21, 2004