YORK'S bicycle roadside repair man Andy Scaife has been musing on the Diary's suggestion that the Evening Press letters page is made into a movie.

Andy got talking to fellow two-wheel fanatic Graham Horne about the idea. And they have a few casting changes to suggest.

Writes Andy: "Graham is quite flattered at the Russell Crowe comparison and is warming to the role: 'I am Cyclus Maximus Vulgaris, and I swear revenge on the motor car in this life or the next!'

"We thought Paul Hepworth would be admirably represented by Joss Ackland, and who other than our own Dame Judi could do justice to the indomitable Liz Edge? While Tracey Simpson-Laing is obviously Helena Bonham-Carter, Ann Reid would have to be played by Zoe Wanamaker.

"As for yours truly, while I bemoaned the fact that James Nesbitt apparently can't do a Yorkshire accent, Graham wondered if Rowan Atkinson can ride a bike..."

PERHAPS the Learning and Skills Council North Yorkshire should take a leaf out of its own book and run a "bitesize" course in accountability.

Using your taxes and mine, the LSC's "Bitesize Intros" - hour-long courses on any subject from how to order a meal in Spanish to aromatherapy - have been a rip-roaring success.

Since the beginning of this year 1,500 learners attended nearly 600 free courses, mostly in the workplace. Most went on to seek more learning elsewhere.

Obviously a job well done - so why is the LSC North Yorkshire so coy about telling us how much we all spent on the project?

Its overall budget for raising the standard of quality post-16 training and education is £96 million. But how much of that was allocated to Bitesize Intros?

"That's not relevant," we were told by Simon Kendrew, who is a marketing adviser for the regional government quango. "It's not procedure to give out that sort of information."

It is hard to understand why these figures are irrelevant, particularly since the programme comes to an end this May. If it has been such a terrific success, we need to gauge whether it was money well spent.

Besides, the public - who forked out the readies, remember? - will decide whether it is relevant or not.

ACHTUNG! War veterans attending an annual reunion at Bletchley Park were shocked to be confronted by German soldiers in full uniform and manning a machine gun.

The enthusiasts of German military history had set up a checkpoint in the grounds of the stately home near Milton Keynes, Bucks, where the world's first computer, Colossus, was used to break the Enigma radio codes used by the Nazis during the Second World War.

The overzealous weekend soldiers prevented many of the veterans from getting to the car park next to their meeting room.

To be ordered about by officious troops speaking in German accents and waving guns must have brought back delightful memories for the veterans.

The visitors had to park elsewhere, which entailed a long walk in heavy rain to attend the reunion for those involved in the "secret wireless war".

Evening Press journalist Richard Foster attended the event to hear his 78-year-old father, John, make a speech about his wartime experiences at a top-secret wireless listening station near Forfar, Scotland.

Richard told the Diary: "The organisers of the annual reunion were assured by the authorities at Bletchley Park that we could use the car park next to H Block. Obviously, the 'German Army' had other ideas!"

Perhaps York council could employ them to enforce the new parking restrictions.

Write to: The Diary, Chris Titley, The Evening Press, 76-86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN

Email diary@ycp.co.uk

Telephone (01904) 653051 ext 337

Updated: 11:36 Tuesday, May 04, 2004