IT'S almost enough to put a man off holidays. Every time Kevin Chipchase takes a break he returns to find his home targeted by practical joker Kevin Atkinson. Big knickers on a pole, man-made molehills scarring his neat lawn - what could he expect on arriving back from a football trip to Portugal?

Nothing less than his home transformed into the Selfish B'stard public house.

What can Mr Chipchase do to avoid similar pranks in future? We can only offer two suggestions. Either stay at home, Kevin... or emigrate.

Updated: 10:13 Wednesday, June 23, 2004