One boozy night on Portsmouth's South Parade Pier, my friend John tried a bit of self-piercing with a carving fork as a tribute to the group that shaped our youth. That was almost 15 years ago.

Parents of today should have no fear that this new vehicle for Slash and his washed-up Guns N' Roses mates will have the same effect. Publicists would see this as the "ultimate raw rock record" by the million-selling rock greats slapped together with Stone Temple Pilots singer Matt Sorum.

I hear a marketing manager's wet dream, with instruments so polished in the studio they practically slip out of the musician's expensively-manicured hands.

Fall To Pieces is adequate US rock, Do It For The Kids is surprisingly catchy but by the end of Loving The Alien I was reaching for The White Stripes. John barely drew blood before his bottle went; how far these guys will go at the helm of their money-making machine is beyond me.

Updated: 08:10 Thursday, June 24, 2004