BACK to school. It's a phrase that means many things to many people - sadness for parents as a youngest sibling sets out on the rocky road to the real world, a taste of freedom for stay-at-home mums and dads who have spent years caring for children around-the-clock, butterflies in tummies for children themselves and deep depression for teachers as their fabulous (unheard of in any other profession) six-week holiday comes to an end.

For me, the start of the new school term is not the liberating affair you would imagine it to be in getting the children off my hands after the long summer holiday. It means stress - sacks, or should I say satchels, full of it.

Please, please let there be other people out there for whom the end of term plunges into the following nightmares:

Clothing

Why do all the new 'Back to School' ranges appear in stores at the beginning of the summer holidays? I am sure that there are others, like myself, who decide to look for skirts, blouses and gym slips the day before their children are due back. Yet, although this is prime 'Back to School' time, there isn't a white blouse or pair of navy shorts to be had. There isn't a uniform at my daughters' school - thank heavens - and I only need PE stuff, yet the way things are going I'm sure I would find it easier to buy Estee Lauder anti-cellulite cream in an Afghan hill village than find a pair of size 12 black pumps.

Exhaustion

Many parents moan about their offspring rising at the crack of dawn. I suppose I must be lucky in that mine get up at the more (unless you are a student) civilised hour of 8am. Getting the children to school entails an army-style morning roll call at 7am. Breakfast is another matter - it's not easy trying to cram a load of Cocoa Pops (I know it's unhealthy but you have to admit they taste fabulous) down the throat of a half-asleep six-year-old and an older sibling who looks like she's been partying all night. One of the positive aspects of the summer holidays is the luxury of having a lie-in. Okay, it's only until 8.30am, but as a parent you're grateful for small mercies. Back to School equals back to bags under the eyes.

Guilt

Meeting parents who you faithfully promised to ring over the holidays and arrange for their child to come over and play, but never got around to it.

Expense

The start of a new term does not only involve school, but a host of other activities which, unlike state education, demand payment. What with activities such as swimming, ballet and music, barely a day goes by when you don't have to whip out your cheque book.

Childcare

In some ways, after-school childcare is harder to come by than it is during holidays. I can hardly ask my parents to drive across the county to meet the children from school every night. The start of term is always stressful - are there sufficient places on the nights you require? That cheque book has to be whipped out again.

Six weeks is a long time, yet I don't seem to be able to get things together sufficiently to deal with the children returning to school. For me 'Back to School' translates as a heap of stress in one week. Who needs education? I vote for year-round holidays. For adults too, of course.

Updated: 09:06 Tuesday, September 07, 2004