HERE at the Evening Press we are well aware that poor spelling and grammar infuriate people.

Now dodgy English has spoilt one reader's tour of a new attraction.

"I was delighted to visit York's latest exhibition space at the defunct York Story in Castlegate," emails Stephen Pigott of Melwood Grove, Acomb. "This new arts venue set in a beautiful old church is delightful.

"However, the exhibition signage appears to have been written by a dyslexic dwarf. Starting with a misleading description of the church we move on to spectacularly-bad information signs.

"As an exhibit it is challenging and refreshingly different. As a display of bad grammar, poor syntax and terrible vocabulary it is a definite 'must see'!" Prompted by his words, the Diary went along to the York Museums Trust exhibition, called "a light crescendo", in the former St Mary's Church. Cool and calming, the ancient interior provides a contrasting backdrop for the artwork, which includes neon signs and a painted mirror. It is easy to spot the source of Stephen's ire: one information panel substitutes "then" for "them"; another has "if" instead of "is"; and a third coins a new word: "conceptural".

As for the "terrible vocabulary" it seems no worse than the pretentious twaddle dreamed up to justify every work of modern art.

However, the literacy slumps to a real low when reading the comments book. While certain "art lovers" restricted their observations to a single profanity, one woman from Stockport was delighted, writing: "I fort it woz mint".

Judge for yourself - the free exhibition is open, Tuesday to Saturday, until October 30. Even if you're not a fan of contemporary art, you can enjoy the fabulous stained glass (although the view of the window is partially blocked); and we didn't spot one spelling mistake on the tombstones.

IS it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a solicitor. To buff up the image of lawyers everywhere, the Law Society is launching an advertising campaign with the slogan: My Hero, My Solicitor. Four posters each featuring a different face (one white, one black, one Indian and one Chinese; all present and politically correct) are being displayed at various locations, including York Railway Station.

They suggest solicitors can do anything from restoring family harmony to saving your job (no mention of bankruptcy due to legal fees, funnily enough). So, if briefs start wearing their pants over their trousers at York Magistrates Court, you'll know why.

OUR quip about Tories meeting in phone boxes inevitably provoked a response from York's Conservative candidate Clive Booth.

The ailing state of his party is clearly getting to him: "Is it me, or are Parliamentary candidates just unusually sensitive to any potential slight?" he asks. "Seen in a butcher's: 'These sausages contain no conservatives'."

WHERE can you park for free within the city walls? Inside the Evening Press of course.

Or so visitors to our luxurious Walmgate office complex have quipped after seeing the Smart car, prize in our relaunch competition, on display in reception.

Meanwhile, our new advertising slogan is fast becoming a catchphrase. A piece of kit in our press hall, called the compactor, twice caught fire on Tuesday prompting one wag to note: "Easy to ignite... hard to put out. The compactor."

Write to: The Diary, Chris Titley, Evening Press, 76-86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN Email diary@ycp.co.uk Telephone (01904) 653051 ext 337

Updated: 09:26 Thursday, September 09, 2004