WE are, the Diary can merrily reveal, a group of grumps. York is bulging at the walls with Scrooges, Grinches, crotchety crosspatches and other assorted bah humbuggers.

One in ten Yorkies believe the season of goodwill should take a long walk along a short pier.

Three times that number spend the holiday praying for it to end.

Nearly a quarter of us don't bother with a tree, and about half will keep the TV on from dawn until dusk on Christmas Day.

According to the survey, commissioned on behalf of sweetmeat and York Christmas tree sponsor Quality Street, a mere two per cent of us bother to go carol singing, and one in four doesn't like turkey.

There is some good news for all these grumpy old men and women, however.

Many people are sure Christmas Day will be abolished in 70 years' time. Everyone'll be working straight through December 25, 2074, a third of those questioned cheerily insisted. A similar number believed Christmas cards will be extinct as we exchange digital messages instead. And one in three are certain the Queen's Speech will have been abolished. Which is good news for Her Majesty, who will be 148 by then.

The Diary predicts certain things will be exactly the same in Christmas 2074. Only Fools And Horses will be on the telly. Half of all advertisements will include the phrase "all wrapped up".

And women weighed down with bags of shopping will grumble to one another in the M&S checkout queue that "it's all got too commercial".

WE'RE not even snogging our way through the festive season, according to another Yuletide survey.

Apparently "an amazing one in five people in York will spend the festive season without even a peck on the cheek from their partners, let alone from their friends or family...

"That means, potentially, 28,400 people in York are so busy fighting the festive frenzy they forget to take the time to show those closest to them that they care." Or perhaps it means there are a lot of people trying to avoid the flu virus.

This essential fact was excavated on behalf of Nestl Baci (whatever that is; we didn't think Nestl made cigarettes).

YORK shops have certainly entered into the Ebeneezer spirit. Log on to yuletideyork.com, hit the "Special Offers" button and five words appear: "There are no current offers".

TODAY'S Christmas card, above, is courtesy of a local charity. What are these young ladies carrying? Are they keys, or candles, or..?

Hmm. The women are enjoying themselves, that's the main thing.

Updated: 11:24 Wednesday, December 22, 2004