THEY could be the key to the future. To happy families, to reducing the divorce rate.

"Yes dear." Those two little words formed the basis of an 80-year marriage, or so centenarians Percy and Florence Arrowsmith would have us believe. The couple, from Hereford, aged 105 and 100 respectively, admitted to having occasional spats but said they still kissed and held hands every night.

"Yes dear". It's a kindly phrase that means so much. A man letting his wife have her own way in as gentle and compliant a way as possible. It obviously makes for a long-term, harmonious relationship - so what's happened to it?

"Yes dear" may have been a phrase well-used by men in the past, but not today. My husband would no more utter those words than he would whisk me off to the Seychelles on a surprise second honeymoon (wait a second, we still haven't had the first one).

Yet men are still functioning in a "yes dear" sort of way (why else would the phrase 'yes man' exist) and, generally speaking, if women didn't make decisions families would never do anything. No days out, no holidays, no decorating the front room. At least not in my house.

But whereas in the past they nodded their "yes dears" and thought no more about it, now they don't like to be seen as subservient. Men still give in to women the world over, only now it's more of a curt "yes", a huffy "okay", or a resigned "whatever".

Whereas blokes once adopted the "yes dear" stance for all their married lives, nowadays they won't do it for long. Sooner or later, they rebel. No longer do they slam the door after a spat with the wife, and pop to the pub or the allotment to collect their thoughts, returning with a bunch of dahlias.

Now, if they feel they are being nagged, they are more likely to go off and look for a bachelor flat, start gelling their hair and checking out fun pubs for women who don't nag (if there is such a thing). They should be made to realise that life would be much simpler and far less of a hassle if they just knuckled down and said those two little words.

More often than not, men follow the lead of women. My husband and I spend many an hour embroiled in exchanges along the lines of... Me: "What do you want to do today?" Him: "What do you want to do?" Me: "No, what do YOU want to do?" Him: "Whatever you want." So I decide and then, the next time we argue, he will say: "We always do what you want to do."

I know plenty of couples who go through the same routine. It would be far less stressful all round if it were taken as read that women make the suggestions and men agree.

Nowadays, couples don't work at relationships. They don't 'give and take' like people did in the 'old days' and marriage isn't the long-term commitment it used to be.

In the days of pre-nuptial agreements, when even before the ceremony couples are squabbling over who gets what after the divorce, and celebrities such as Rod Stewart - is his Mrs-to-be completely bonkers? - are bandying it about that long-term relationships are impossible and that marriage vows should be rewritten every 12 months, couples are lucky to last five years. Even the Government has mooted a 'marriage preparation' scheme to slow the divorce rate - one-in-three, or something like that.

At the root of that scheme should be the words "yes dear". That would solve everything.

Updated: 11:11 Tuesday, June 14, 2005