ROYAL Ascot's not all glamour, you know. York highways chief Peter Evely is spending the entire racing festival in a box.

But it won't be the Royal box. Instead our Peter is installed in a booth full of TVs down Fulford way, keeping an unblinking eye on traffic flows in and out of York Racecourse during the five-day meeting.

From 9am until 9pm, the council's head of network management will monitor the images from CCTV cameras as York's traffic master plan is pressed into action. There won't be a racehorse in sight (unless something has gone terribly wrong).

It's not all bad, however. The room, nicknamed The Bunker, will "have windows and everything".

NINE till nine? That's nothing compared to Jonathan Lawrence, owner of O'Brien's Irish Sandwich Bar on Parliament Street, York.

He was in from 5.30 this morning and does not expect to close up before nine tonight.

The shop is making up a special order of 800 smoked salmon, chicken salad and other sarnies for a client at Royal Ascot, as well as the normal fare for hungry York shoppers. He reckons he'll have sold 5,000 butties by the weekend.

While all is madness at Knavesmire, Jonathan predicts a calmer city centre as non-racegoers stay away from York.

"These next few days are probably the best time to do your shopping - as long as you get out by five," he said.

BBC Racing editor Carl Hicks made a huge impression on York boffins as a wannabe city student. During an interview for a place at the University of York, the prospective English Literature student volunteered that he had once been Merseyside under-17 chess champion. "What do you think of Kasparov?" he was asked by his interviewer. "I am sorry, I haven't read any Russian literature," the worldly wise Mr Hicks replied.

AFTER our front page story on Saturday revealing that police will be armed with Taser guns to protect the Queen, the Diary is emailed by a concerned reader.

"I see they have imported stun guns to deal with potential trouble-makers and independent thinkers," the well-wisher writes. "So you had better watch out as you weave in and out the of traffic on Bishop-thorpe Road on your trusty cycle, top hat askew, tails flying: you have made no secret of your republican sentiments on this occasion, and done your best to drum up an alternative Ascot.

"Some of us wouldn't want to see you stunned by the Protection of Privilege Unit - not yet, anyway."

Thanks for the warning. We shall now go about our business disguised as a police superintendent. Anyone got a pair of pink shorts we can borrow?

WE cannot match our colleagues on the sports pages who have hired Toff the horse to give his racing tips for the week. But the Diary's tipster is almost as surreal: Eddie Vee.

To add to his talents as a serial quiz show contestant, erstwhile Loony candidate and walking Elvis karaoke machine, the York entertainer is a keen scholar of the turf.

So in an item we are naming, with heroic optimism, Vee For Victory, we will offer Eddie's three selections. "Put all three horses into an each way round robin," suggests Eddie, who fashions himself Kingtip. "Just one winner will make a profit on the bet."

For tomorrow, then, Kingtip says: plump for Museeb in the 2.30, New Seeker in the 4.20 and Hachita in the 5.30.

Updated: 09:26 Tuesday, June 14, 2005