Pubs plan to make a mint from thirsty racegoers at Royal Ascot - although not normally over the ironing board.

But what's a good landlady going to do but help out when a customer is crying in his beer, crumpled shirt in one hand, pint in the other, less than an hour before the first royal race?

"He and his friends had come up from Hertfordshire to go to the races and he had his Ascot shirt in his hand in a mess," said Sue Stewart, landlady at the Red Lion in Merchantgate.

"I offered to iron it for him and he offered me a tenner. Naturally, I took it and he went off to the races looking very smart."

In fact the four southern lads had arrived the night before and booked into an hotel in Malton to avoid the crush and expense of York.

They were bemoaning the fact that they went out in the town for drinks and a meal but the whole town "was shut by 11pm".

JOCKEY turned broadcaster Willie Carson found himself on the wrong end of some officious security guards who blocked his way through to the BBC TV studio in the minutes before the Royal Procession yesterday.

"I'm broadcasting in five minutes," an increasingly frantic Carson told the bullet-headed man in security.

"Tell that to the police," said the guard. One quick word with Her Majesty's Constabulary and Carson finally managed to squeeze under the barriers.

Willie has mixed memories of York Racecourse. In the Yorkshire Oaks in 1981 he was trampled by other horses after being thrown from his mount. But he recovered from serious injuries to marry the woman who nursed him back to health, Elaine Williams.

DISAPPOINTMENT in the Fulford Road area, where residents had to call off their planned roadside welcome for the Queen's motorcade.

Rumours had Her Majesty's limo sweeping through the district carrying her to the races. By all accounts this would be a bit out of her way, and further inquiries confirmed that the royals would not be patronising their borough.

The confusion, it seems, is because the horses pulling the royal carriage procession are being stabled at Imphal Barracks. There was little enthusiasm to stand and wave flags as a cavalcade of horse boxes bumped past.

THERE is such a thing as the fashion police, the Diary learns - but their powers are limited.

A couple of would-be punters dressed in jeans and trainers walking towards the racecourse were apprehended by a constable.

"I think you're in the wrong place. Where are you wanting to be?" asked the copper (resplendent in dark blue serge topped by an outrageous pointed hat with silver badge motif). "York races," they replied indignantly.

The PC looked them up and down, shook his head and said with a heavy sigh: "On your way."

SPOTTED in the Royal Enclosure on Tuesday were York Theatre Royal chief executive Dan Bates and artistic director Damian Cruden. Did this make it the Theatre Royal Enclosure?

VEE for Victory.

Diary pundit Eddie Vee scored his first success yesterday. After his first tip Museeb dropped from first to fourth with a furlong to go, New Seeker restored instant pride by storming to victory in the 4.20. If you backed it early you would have got 25-1 but even at the start it gave 11-1.

Then Hachita was unplaced in the 5.30.

For tomorrow then, Kingtip goes for: 2.30 - Spinning Queen; 4.20 - Fine Silver; 4.55 -Daring Ransom.

Updated: 11:34 Thursday, June 16, 2005