PITY the poor punter who just didn't know when to quit.

On Royal Ascot day one he put £50 each way on the first race and watched his horse romp to the finishing line.

"What the heck," he thought and promptly put the lot on race two. Cue another winner.

By the time Sharmadal won the third race, he was up £8,500.

But push your luck once too often and you'll come a-cropper in your topper. Rakti wrecked his chances and our man saw his wedge vanish in just over 60 seconds.

NORTH Yorkshire police were originally supposed to be patrolling the meeting in body armour.

They were ordered to wear protective vests to safeguard them against any crazed toffs who might come at them with a corkscrew in the Royal Enclosure.

But then the Police Federation stepped in.

Their members, they claimed, "would be more likely to collapse from heatstroke" than encounter such trouble, they said.

The Fed were right. No cases of heat exhaustion have been reported so far.

A LETTER arrives addressed to "Claire Balding, c/o York Press, York, Yorkshire".

Turns out to be a fan letter for the BBC's Royal Ascot presenter, who prefers to be spelled Clare.

"Dear Claire, Am writing today to say you looked nice in the Cambridge Blue hat," begins Les Smith, of Milton Keynes.

"But please don't wear the 'Makoutoum Blue hat' that you wore at Goodwood."

We have no idea what a Makoutoum Blue hat is, but it is worth avoiding as, Les says, "it looked like something out of a blue umbrella".

But he ends on a high note: "The pink: once again you looked smashing in this hat."

We have left the letter at the Ascot media centre so Clare has some fashion advice for her final royal York day.

HERE are the top five most appropriate tunes for Royal Ascot, according to the window of Banks Music on Lendal, York: 1) Ascot Gavotte; 2) Galloping Home; 3) A Horse With No Name; 4) The Galloping Major; 5) Off To The Races.

ROYAL Ascot can be expensive (rumours of £130 bottles of bubbly on the course have reached our shocked ears).

But if you time it right, you can have a night out for free.

That is what happened to the customers who followed a group of wealthy punters into the Living Room on Bridge Street the other night.

They had bought so much champagne that they departed with half filled magnums dotting the tables. My sources sat back and helped clear up...

INIMITABLE Evening Press photographer Nigel Holland now has a new claim to fame. He outpaced super-fast England striker Michael Owen.

The grumpy Real Madrid star refused to have his picture taken, so Nigel gave chase and took him on the outside to snap his man.

"You are a world football superstar Michael, and you are at Royal Ascot.

Of course we're going to take your picture," Nigel told him.

WHITE Rose winners have been in short supply. But Yorkshire lass Jo Russell made it to the winners' enclosure.

She is secretary to Lambourn trainer Clive Cox whose 11-1 shot New Seeker - a Vee For Victory tip - snatched the glory in the Royal Hunt Cup.

Jo is the daughter of top racing snapper Alec Russell, from Huttons Ambo, near Malton, who was no doubt more delighted than usual to photograph the winning connections.

VEE for Victory.

You won't hear any excuses for yesterday's disasters. Except these. According to increasingly dismayed Diary pundit Eddie Vee, of his three selections: number one "was robbed"; number two "went the wrong way"; and number three "seemed to stop running".

But he is confident of a trio of victories tomorrow with: 3.05 - Quiff; 3.45 - Mighty Beau; 4.20 - Royal Storm.

Don't feel obliged.

Chris Titley

Updated: 11:25 Friday, June 17, 2005