TONIGHT it’s parents’ evening at my daughter’s school. Another chance to show my complete ignorance of most of the subjects she is studying.

Parents’ evenings can be terrifying, with mums and dads as much under the spotlight as the children.

At primary school it isn’t so bad – you know the teachers anyway, from day to day contact when collecting children from school and they know you. Parents’ evening is as much a friendly chat as anything else, to check that all is okay.

Secondary school is a different ball game altogether. I was given a map on arrival at my daughter’s first parents’ evening – showing how to get from teacher to teacher. And there were so many – I lost count after about ten – that I missed some and ended up writing letters to apologise.

Then you have to join a queue, for each teacher. For many parents this will be the first time they have set foot in a secondary school since leaving as a pupil, and having to wait in line can make you feel like a naughty teenager hovering outside the head teacher’s office for bad behaviour.

Worse is having to discuss subjects you failed miserably at school. I felt ridiculous asking how my child was performing in maths, when I myself was a remedial pupil, relegated after the first term to a class of no-hope delinquents who spent the entire lesson throwing bits of chewing gum at each other.

I felt myself go red as I fibbed about how much I’d enjoyed German – my daughter’s favourite subject – at school.

And I waffled uncontrollably in an attempt to convince the teachers of art, music and RE that I took their subject seriously. I felt they had rumbled me and knew that as a schoolgirl I spent these lessons fooling around with friends.

Then I found myself bragging to her teachers about things I was good at, telling them how my ‘English and geography’ genes were bound to have been passed to my offspring.

There is no doubt that parents are judged at these gatherings and are on their best behaviour. Research by a leading British university found that parents felt “on trial” at parents’ evenings.

It is only human nature that teachers are curious about the background of their pupils. I would be. And for that reason I conceded to my daughter’s request that I “take off that baggy cardigan that you’ve had on since 2004” and turn up looking halfway decent.

This time I’ve gone one better – I’ve have had my hair done, and am swotting up on the finer points of photosynthesis and Pythagoras’ Theorem. Never mind my daughter – I want top marks for effort.