Would you want a soppy Mother's Day card from your pet?

I have lavished all of my cats with love and would do anything for them. It is wonderful when they return your affection, sitting on your knee purring or rubbing their faces against your cheek. But you have to draw the line somewhere. I would never expect my cat to send me a Mother’s Day card, even less a Valentine.

‘Happy Mother’s Day from your four-legged children’, ‘There’s nobody else’s lap I would rather sleep on,’ and ‘Mum, I’d pick mew every time’, are just some of the messages emblazoned across Mother’s Day cards for cats to ‘send’ to their owners.

It’s not that I don’t think of my pets as members of the family: I do. My husband used to cringe with embarrassment when I loudly called my cat in the street and asked him to “Come to your mum.”

But Mother’s Day cards from cats? It’s taking our adoration a step too far. There’s even one for granny that reads: ‘Happy Mother’s Day from me and the grand-cats’.

It’s the same for dogs. Last month it was Valentine cards, when dogs ‘sent’ cards thanking owners for acts such as ‘feeding me treats and rubbing my belly’. My husband would be thrilled beyond words if I did either of those things to him.

Valentine cards from dogs are now on the market. Picture: Pixabay

We really are over-pampering our pooches. Pets are wonderful, they bring joy to our lives, but we are in danger of trying to humanise them.

A new study from greeting card company thortful reveals that almost half of Brits see their pet as a child and 28 per cent favour their ‘fur babies’ - I hate that expression. We are fawning over our pets in a way that we would normally reserve for our partners - if they’re lucky.

On a Christmas trip to London my husband and I visited Fortnum and Mason where we spotted a ridiculously expensive hamper for dogs containing items including a bow tie and soothing paw balm.

I’ve seen dog and cat advent calendars with treats behind each window.

John Lewis even has an annual Christmas grotto for pets - it charges £20 a pet for a visit to Santa Paws, animals get a gift and the chance to meet Santa.

Easter is no better, with Easter eggs for dogs and cats popping up on the shelves. For felines Pets at Home has the ‘Purrfect Easter Egg with Yoghurt and Catnip’. The packaging resembles a standard egg - parents will have to hope their kids don’t snaffle kitty’s treat or they’ll be climbing the curtains too.

Dogs and cats are wonderful, but I’m sorry, they don’t know an Easter egg from a tea bag. They just want some Pedigree or Whiskas to appear in their bowls when they are hungry. They love a walk - cats as well as dogs - they like a comfy spot to sleep, and a cuddle. But they don’t send cards and don’t open advent calendars. And they certainly don’t like being dressed up like dogs’ dinners - another unnecessary humanisation of pets.

Of course all this it’s a huge commercial banquet for pet product firms who will be reaping the rewards of all this OTT ridiculousness.

I know it’s all a bit of fun, but, really, where will it end? If things carry on like this we’ll soon be able to legally marry our cats and dogs - I dare say many would argue they’d make better partners than people - and head off on honeymoon with pockets full of poo bags.