York surrogate: "Seeing a family together is best feeling"

YOU can hear the smile radiating through Gemma Olliman's sing-song North East-accented voice as she talks lovingly about her experience of being a surrogate mother.

The 38-year-old childminder and established surrogate mother, now settled north of York, has just had her fourth baby for a desperate couple, and hasn't ruled out doing it again.

She has her own daughter, Abby, and says she doesn't consider the children she carries for other couples as her own, even though all four have been conceived using Gemma's eggs - meaning she is the biological mother of each child.

Gemma met all her families via Surrogacy UK (SUK), Britain's leading surrogacy agency. Surrogacy - where a woman carries a baby for another person or family - is legal in the UK but operates under strict guidelines.

READ MORE: "I've just had my FOURTH surrogate child - and I might do it again"

Gemma said: "I always use my own eggs but it never feels like I am giving the baby away - it feels like the baby is going to its parents. I love being pregnant - it seems the most natural thing in the world to have a baby and for the baby to go straight to his or her parents. It's like childminding; I adore my children and their families but they are never mine - it is kind of like that with surrogacy.

"It's the best feeling in the world - seeing a family all come together. It never feels like the baby I am carrying is mine or that I am giving it away - I'm just looking after it for a while."

But what do Gemma's three families think of her amazing gifts? We asked them:

Family 1:

Parents: Doug and Carri Cunliffe-Wolff

Babies: Lydia and Jaime

Gemma with the first family she helped, clockwise from left, Gemma and daughter Abby with Doug and Carri, and surrogate children baby Jaime and Lydia

"We had reached the end of the road in terms of creating our own family – we had had a stillborn baby, a miscarriage and years of fertility treatment. We joined Surrogacy UK actually thinking it seemed too good to be true, but everyone was very lovely and we at least met people who were going through something similar.

"We started chatting to Gemma on the SUK private message boards and mainly talked about where were from and what we liked. We met Gemma in February 2015 and she was a genuine and lovely person and we hit it off straight away. Gemma offered to help us straight away and we cried all the way home in the car.

"There started the journey that changed our lives for the better and led us to our gorgeous family.

"Gemma made pregnancy seem so easy, she never complained and she made sure we were part of the whole pregnancy experience.

"Lydia was born March 21 2015 and she arrived in a serene atmosphere surrounded by love. It was an amazing experience to be at the birth and actually in the birthing pool. Gemma had only had paracetamol during labour and had been laughing and joking throughout.

"Lydia was the cutest little baby and she brought joy to our whole family - not just me and Doug.

"Gemma offered to have another baby for us and on September 10, 2016 Jaime was born – our second little miracle and our family was complete.

"Without Gemma we couldn’t have realised our dream of having a family. She has been through so much for us and we can never repay her or say in words how we appreciate what she has done. We talk about her all the time with the children and we hope we can one day meet up with the other surrogate children (Covid permitting) and have a big reunion. It would be wonderful to see Gemma with all her surrogate babies. Lydia in particular is looking forward to meeting the other kids."

Family 2:

Parents: Sonia Krstic and Tom Cheffings

Baby: James

A photo of Gemma's third surrogate child James, who is almost two

"Being a family was something we though would never happen for us.

"We met Gemma and her daughter Abby about a year after joining Surrogacy UK and instantly felt a connection.

"We can't thank Gemma enough for bringing James into the world and looking after him so well for nine months.

"He's nearly two now and every day we feel blessed that we have such a beautiful, funny, smart little man in our lives!

"Gemma is the most kind-hearted, selfless and strong-minded person we know and we are so proud to have her and Abby as our friends."

Family 3:

Parents: Karl and Nick Dixon-Myers

Baby: Orson

Gemma, back right, leaves York Hospital in February after giving birth to fourth surrogate child Orson, with her daughter Abby and parents Karl and Nick

Karl said: "We joined SUK in 2017 and got in a 'team' with Gemma in 2019. We had been in a 'team' with someone else but had a miscarriage at 17 weeks.

"Nick and I have different perspectives on having children. Growing up and being gay, I was determined to have a family, but Nick never thought it would happen.

"It was all a bit of whirlwind. Orson arrived four weeks early through an emergency c-section. We had to travel every day from our home in the North East to visit - and did about 2,000 miles, surviving on minimal sleep! But when we got him home it felt like he'd never not been here."

Nick said: "We will never be able to thank Gemma enough for what she has done for us. And she will always be there for Orson."

Karl added: "Gemma has given us what we always wanted. It's not going to be a typically straightforward childhood for Orson because he has Downs Syndrome and needs open heart surgery, but we wouldn't change any of it. We are so glad Gemma was able to give us Orson. He is fantastic."

And they have this advice for other gay couples considering surrogacy:

"An increasing amount of gay couples are using surrogacy. It is good that we are able to get help to have a family."

They said they were sensitive to the difficult journeys many other couples in SUK have been on which could include multiple miscarriages and even stillbirths.

"So many straight couples have been to hell and back - but there is no other option if you want to have a family through your own genetics."

Surrogacy fact file

Surrogacy is the act of a woman carrying a pregnancy and giving birth for the child’s parents, as they are unable to carry a child themselves.

Surrogacy UK is the leading UK non-profit surrogacy organisation.

Since it formed in 2002, it has attracted almost 150 active surrogates, 500 intended parent(s) and recorded nearly 200 babies being born. Same sex couples account for almost half of intended parents in SUK.

There are two types of surrogacy: traditional and host. In traditional surrogacy - the method used by Gemma – the surrogate uses an insemination kit to become pregnant using the intended father’s semen and her own egg. Host surrogacy involves IVF to induce pregnancy in the surrogate using the egg of the intended mother or a donor egg.

Surrogacy is legal in the UK but operates under strict guidelines. Surrogates cannot be paid but can claim expenses, with average expenses ranging between £7k and £15k depending on the surrogate's personal circumstances which could include loss of earnings, childcare costs, maternity wear and so on.

According to UK law, when a baby is born, the woman who gives birth is the legal mother – whether or not she is biologically related to the child – and if she’s married or in a civil partnership, her spouse is the other legal parent. Legal parenthood can be transferred by parental order or adoption after the child is born.

If there is disagreement about who the child’s legal parents should be, the courts will make a decision based on the best interests of the child.

Find out more at: surrogacyuk.org and gov.uk/legal-rights-when-using-surrogates-and-donors