BILL MERRRINGTON suggests how to look on the bright side this New Year

THERE seems to be something in the air as we all approach New Year and say farewell to the past 12 months. Perhaps it’s relief that the year is past or hope for something different in the coming year. There is definitely an uplift that we have now passed the longest night and hopefully lighter mornings are on their way. I notice I often get the urge to want to get out and plant seeds in the greenhouse (alas, rather too early).

New year resolutions jump up at us and seem such a good idea at the time. Perhaps the commonest resolution will be dieting or getting more exercise. Both are excellent ideas. The key to making them work is making the experience enjoyable. If it quickly seems like hard work without an element of joy, it is unlikely to stick. But there are other things you could consider for 2020. Psychological research has shown that there are key elements in a person’s life if they are to live a long and healthy life.

So much of psychology, since it started has been focusing on negative aspects of life such as depression, mental illness, distress, dysfunctioning, languishing, vulnerability, and weaknesses. But more recently research has began to look at the positive aspects of life such as flourishing, wellbeing, thriving, strength, and happiness.

The expression ‘is your cup half full or half empty' fits here. If you right now, look around your room and focus on all the straight lines. You will see many. But then choose to focus on the curves in the room. Again you will find many. This tells us we choose what to focus on. You can either notice and appreciate lots of small positive moments in the day or ignore them. Those who see them are giving their brains a positive healthy stimulus.

We are increasingly learning how to help people put positive things into their cup, so that they can begin to see their lives at least half full. This positive attitude can help to build a person’s resilience in life.

Actively having positive things in the daily diary can have a progressive impact on ones health. We are aware of this when we look forward to the weekend. But rather than being excited for two days, how would it be if we were more positive about the remaining five working days?

We know that many aspects of a person’s life make up the ingredients of happiness and positivism. This includes your biology, psychology, social engagement and your spiritual attitude. We also now know that your immunology is improved with a positive attitude in life. Indeed we used to think the brain was a rigid thing, but we now know it is far more adaptable and can be restructured.

This means we can help ourselves to be more happy, resilient and optimistic. The benefits are huge. Positive people are more energetic, confident, creative, loving, forgiving and generally kinder. It is not just good to feel good, it does you physically good. It also has a big impact on those around you. I once chattered to a famous entrepreneur who said: "I would shoot negative people, I only appoint positive people to my team." He realised the benefit to his whole organisation. This also applies to families.

Emotions, be it positive or negative are socially contagious. This means that happy positive parents are a gift to their children. Their children in turn affect other children and the affect spreads outwards. This means if you are not interested in being positive for yourself, at least seek to be positive for the sake of others. It’s rather like flying, where you are told to put the oxygen mask on yourself before your children. Looking after and caring for yourself are all skills of what we call ‘emotional intelligence.’

We know that probably 50 per cent of you has been shaped by hereditary genes, but that still leaves 50 per cent to shape what you think and do.

We seem to live in a society that seems poor at predicting what makes a person happy. For some it seems being rich, attractive and thin, although, we often see these people in rehabilitation clinics!

We may struggle to raise our IQ but we can raise our Emotional Quotient (EQ). Feelings depend upon what you do, what we think and pay attention to. So over the next month we will look at the skills we can develop to be more positive and resilient to make the most of 2020. In the meanwhile, see if you can observe this week your attitude and notice when you are positive or negative.

Dr Bill Merrington is a private therapist and Chartered Psychologist working in the York district (www.bmerri.com or contact info@bmerri.com)