Make plans now for a stress-free Christmas, says BILL MERRINGTON

IT is common to hear that Christmas is all about the children. Actually, it seems more about parents worrying about how to get Christmas right for their children.

When you add all the marketing pressures upon families today, it is understandable that Christmas can be the most stressful time for a parent.

I appreciate that it may be hard to accept, but the festive season is not all about money and presents. Many will find that they just don’t have the funds they would like spend on their children. But with a little forethought, children can have a great Christmas without parent’s spending money they don’t have.

The most important message parents have to grasp is that children need security and affection before any material extras. This means we have to calmly sit down with the children and fully explain the situation. The parent needs to first express their love to the children.

Then explaining the situation and the lack of cash to spend this year. But re-assuring them that together, the family can still have an enjoyable holiday. The more children are educated in a gentle way about the reality of the situation, the more they can assist the parents. There is a lot children can do to help. Together, plan each day so that there is some activity that pleases each member of the family. Doing fun things don’t have to cost the earth.

Focus on dressing just one room of the house. This can be as simple as removing photos or paintings and replacing them with bright wrapping paper. Plan ahead what games to play each day. Jigsaws are a cheap but effective way of getting everyone focused on a quiet activity. Learning a new activity together can be fun. Knitting has become a trendy thing to do, even for boys and is both time consuming and fun as you grapple with the technique.

Get the children involved in the food preparation. Make it a fun activity. But don’t let them off from the washing up. This is all part of the collective commitment to the festive season.

Getting out of the flat or house is important and an effective way of burning off energy. If you don’t have a dog, why not ask to take a neighbour's dog out? They will probably be delighted and the children will be engrossed in playing with the dog. This is also more sensible than buying a dog for Christmas just to please the children. The cost of food and vet bills for pets can be far greater than planned.

Look out for events going on in the community that the children can attend. Christingle and carol services are worth considering and they are usually children friendly. Although Christmas is a time to relax rules in the household, it helps if sleep patterns are kept as stable as possible. Grumpy children through lack of sleep spoil everyone’s day.

If parents are not together, some compromise is usually required. The more this can be discussed well ahead of the holiday period, the less likelihood arguments will occur at Christmas. A parent might have to accept that they just can’t have the children every day. What is not helpful is when children see their parents argue over them. Begin by talking to the children about what they would want. Their wishes may not be practical and this needs to be calmly explained.

It doesn’t help them by being negative about the other parent. The reality is that you can’t compete for the love of your children. Buying the dearest presents may bring initial joy to children, but they quickly see through the parent who is not committed to them long term.

When the parents agree with the arrangements, this needs sharing with the children explaining the reasons.

When the children are with the other parent, you have a choice. You can either sulk and be lethargic, or you can be positive about the opportunity. See it as a chance for you to have space for yourself. But this also needs planning. Think about what energises you and restores your batteries. For some, it might be enjoying your own company and getting some peace and quiet. Others need to be with people around them. However, this needs good planning, otherwise you will find everyone else is too busy to see you.

The bottom line for Christmas is plan, plan, plan well ahead and you will prevent your worst Christmas from happening. And the time to plan is now.

Dr Bill Merrington is a therapist and chartered psychologist working in the York district (bmerri.com)