I have written and spoken about emotional maturity for 20 years.

As a framework for presentations and articles, I use a list of personal needs and resources. During that time I have been asked hundreds of questions, but never the question I was asked last month in a building society.

The assistant, on asking for my occupation, expressed interest. “What is the one thing that someone could do to improve their wellbeing?”


One thing? I hesitated. I could do a half a dozen, but just one? I felt a little flustered as I thought that it was a very good question, but what was the answer? I ran through the familiar list in my head and then chose one word not on the list at all. Attitude.

Two minutes in an office was not enough time to elaborate and a few days later I gave her a copy of my book. Little in my list would help with wellbeing if a person’s attitude to life’s challenges wasn’t helpful.

Later in the week, I heard a wellbeing guru on the radio taking about the three mainstays to good wellbeing. Positive Thinking. Adaptability. Resilience. I agreed with her words of wisdom, but reflected that without a healthy attitude or changing an unhealthy one, then those three mainstays could be difficult to achieve.

Changing ones attitude is vital in the efficacy of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. (CBT) If thoughts and behaviour are causing a problem, then CBT may help change them. As the poet and activist, Maya Angelou said. “If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.”

In a recent conversation with a friend, we discussed a future family event. An emotional time with a high risk for misunderstandings and upsets, as well as a day full of joy and happiness. We talked about the ability to change ones attitude to achieve a more positive outcome if circumstances became challenging, though alcohol can make this more difficult.

Take control, not lose control. How? An observation that had helped many clients is that you can’t help the first thought, but you can change the second one. 


Rita Leaman is a psychotherapist and writes as Alison R Russell chasingrainbows.org.uk / alisonrussell275.blogspot.co.uk