BREXIT has all the makings of a panto – we have the hapless "hero", Prime Minister Theresa May; the evil baddie plotting her downfall, Jacob Rees Mogg (altogether now: 'boooooo'), and Boris Johnson as the colourful panto dame forever trying to steal the limelight.

Castings are still being held for the fairy godmother who can come to the rescue.

Meanwhile the script for May-laddin (from the Book of One Thousand and One Nights of Brexit Hell) continues to take shape – its final draft delayed by numerous last-minute rewrites.

Here is the story so far...

In a land far, far away in a palace called Westminster there worked a down-at-luck soul by the name of May-laddin.

Once known as May to her friends, increasingly she was being called names: Maybot, and more recently Maynot.

Her days were long and thankless and she worked tirelessly trying to make everyone in the palace happy. She sometimes had to fly off to foreign lands to try and make their people happy too.

But no one was.

It didn't matter how many hours she put in, or how many mountains and seas she crossed – no one thought she was doing a good job.

Things almost came to a head when she thought she might lose her position. She even began clearing her desk in anticipation of being cast out of the palace. And it was at the back of a long-forgotten drawer that she found the lamp.

It was small and gold in colour – not much bigger than a teacup – and had been given to her many moons ago by a powerful European emperor by the name of Junker.

The lamp was dusty, so May-laddin took out her handkerchief and began to polish it. At the first touch there was a loud "Whoosh" and an enormous puff of smoke. Our hero began coughing and blinking, her eyes watering in the gritty haze. Then she took a step back, almost stumbling in the leopard-print kitten heels which were her favourite shoes.

Towering before her was an apparition: a giant ghost-like shape, with a very familiar face.

"Wh...wh..who aaare yoo-oou?" May-laddin stuttered, struggling to take it all in – and place the features she was sure she recognised.

The spooky visitor replied with a booming voice – which again rang a bell. "I am the genie of the lamp. But you might remember me as a man called David Cameron. I was once a very powerful figure here at the palace until I did a very bad thing. I unleashed the hell that is Brexit – which cast this land and others across the mountains and seas into a turmoil unequalled and a destiny as dark as the deepest ocean bed. My punishment was to be banished and locked away for eternity into this tiny gold lamp. I am now your servant – you are my master – and your wish is my command. I have the power to grant you one wish – and make it come true." May-laddin pressed the rewind button in her memory and recalled this man called David. And yes, he was indeed bad 'un. A foolish man, whose lack of foresight had led to the One Thousand and One Nights of Brexit Hell, which had no end in sight.

May-laddin sat down and started to think. It was an incredible opportunity. One wish and – like magic – her life could be transformed forever.

She began to think of all the things she would like to happen. There was a nasty man by the name of Mogg who was always putting her down and trying to have her exiled. Perhaps she could wish for him to be turned into a toad? But what about that really annoying drama queen Boris 'Doris' Johnson who was definitely after her job, although he kept denying it? What fate for him? An exotic bird to be kept in a cage for eternity. Yes!

May-laddin began to feel a lot happier thinking about the revenge she could reap on both these vile characters.

Suddenly, an even better idea came to her. Yes, she confirmed, it was perfect.

"Genie," she began, her voice steely and determined and without shudder this time. "My wish is to turn back time and for you – David Cameron – to never have announced a referendum on Brexit."

If only wishes really would come true...