THERE are hundreds of magazines supporting hundreds of causes.

They can provide helpful and supportive advice.

One such is Tidings, a quarterly magazine from colostomyuk.org, supporting those people who have experienced a colostomy operation.

Not the most fashionable of subjects, which is why support and advice in the magazine is helpful.


There are stories from the patient’s point of view and I suggested that my husband wrote about his experience in 2013, when the doctors and nurses at Scarborough Hospital saved his life.


He suggested that I wrote an article giving a different perspective, that of the non-patient, the carer, the relative. The article was accepted and published in the Spring issue.

Feedback has been as I hoped. People have written saying that it was refreshing and moving to read and sharing their own challenging experiences.


Carers Week took place in June, highlighting the work done by the carers of all ages in the UK. Carers UK (www.carersuk.org) has reported that 61 per cent of carers experience ill health themselves.

I’m sure we all know such families, perhaps our own. In acute cases, such as my husband’s, my own needs temporarily went to the bottom of the list.

Even then and with great support from family and friends, I turned to red wine and chocolate as short-term managing strategies. When caring becomes longer term, it’s easy for the carer’s needs to stay bottom of the list.

We believe we’re selfish to put our own needs above that of someone who is less able. Love, guilt, duty, work, relatives and finances, can all play their part in motivating the carer to ignore the signs that their own mental and physical health may be suffering.


I recall 2008-10 and the constant travelling back and forth to London, keeping an eye on my declining father, running a practice in York and supervising a house renovation. In training, we were taught that therapists need spare capacity to work effectively and I ended up with none.


Our own needs require attention as well as looking after the needs of others. It is not being selfish, it is being kind to ourselves, so that we can be kind to others.

Rita Leaman is a psychotherapist and writes as Alison R Russell. wwwchasingbows.org.uk alisonrussell275.blogspot.co.uk