IN the previous column, I used the 11 life lessons that the late actor Bob Hoskins had given his daughter, Rosa.

There wasn’t space in the column to elaborate on any of the lessons, but two of them jumped out at me. Lessons which, if used regularly, could reduce the number of emotional health problems in society.

Lesson 4: Don’t worry about other people’s opinions. Everyone’s a critic, but ultimately what they say only matters if you let it. Don’t believe your own press. People can just as easily sing your praises as they can tear you down. Don’t waste your time on things you can’t change. Let it slide off you like water off a duck’s back.

Not an easy rule to believe in and needs a degree of balance. If someone dislikes a meal I prepare, that’s okay. Food can’t possibly be to everyone’s taste. It doesn’t mean I’m a hopeless cook. But if someone was to point out that my driving was dangerous, then perhaps I should think about who and why they were saying that. They haven’t…yet.

Lesson 6: Whatever you do, always give it a good go. Don’t be afraid of failure and disappointment. If you fall flat on your face then get straight back up. You’ll always regret not trying. Disappointment is temporary, regret is forever.

A man, Ron, in his 50s, was in a workshop audience. He explained that I had just made sense of his life. At school, a teacher had stood behind him one day and said: “Collins, you are slow, but sure. Slow to learn and sure to fail.”

Ron said that whenever he thought of changing his job or taking up a new interest, he would believe that he was sure to fail, so hadn’t bothered to try anything new. Ron was a frustrated and unfulfilled man. He hadn’t realised where his self belief had originated and told us that he was going to change his thinking immediately. I hope he did.

Teachers can’t win. An intelligent, young girl, Mandy, took her work to show the teacher. “Oh I don’t even have to look at it, to know it’s good” and gave her a good mark.

The girl gave up making an effort in class, as she thought the teacher didn’t care enough to look at her work.


Success is built on failure

When we were babies and toddlers, we failed at everything we tried. Eating, sitting, walking, talking, dressing, writing and reading. With perseverance, we learned to master these skills and learn many more.

As we mature, we can discover our individual natural skills and talents and those that perhaps don’t come so naturally. But we should always keep learning.

“Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure. It’s built on frustration. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe”

Summer Redstone
 

Rita Leaman is a psychotherapist and writer who lives in North Yorkshire. As Alison R Russell, she is the author of Are You Chasing Rainbows? www.chasingrainbows.org.uk