CYCLING, as a sport taken seriously among the wider public, has its origins on continental Europe – chiefly France, Italy and the Low Countries.

It stands to reason then that the language of the sport, its terminology, also belongs to the continental European, as opposed to those pesky Anglo-Saxons and their annoying determination to win Le Tour every year.

Frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The language of cycling enhances its romanticism, mythology, history and culture.

Having said all that, it can seem a bit impenetrable to casual observers or those coming to the sport for the first time.

So with the Grand Depart now just around the corner, I present to you my beginners’ guide to the lingo.

Oh, by the way, don’t be tempted to play “Lingo Bingo” (taking a shot of alcohol every time one of the ITV4 commentators mentions any of the below) while watching Le Tour, you’ll be drunk for three weeks.

Instead, do it every time one of them describes a chateau or medieval church – you’ll still get quite merry.

Peloton You’ll hear this word a lot and it simply refers to the main body of riders on the road. At times a very fast moving and scary place to be; especially with the ever-present threat of a crash.


DOMESTIQUE

The loyal team-mates whose job it is to slog their guts out for the benefit of the team leaders. They help set the pace and get the big name riders back to the front following a crash or break for a wee. They act as literal water carriers too, often dropping back to the team car to fetch bidons and food for the rest of the team.


TEAM CAR

Okay, technically not “lingo” but plays an important role doling out food, fluids and spare bikes and bandages in case of crashes. From time to time, a rider will be seen leaning on the passenger side door while receiving some form of medical attention. He is absolutely not taking a rest for two minutes and getting a nice tow. Oh no. That would be quite wrong. Never happens.


BIDON

Simple one this - water bottle.


ROULEUR

French for “wheeler”; a rider who excels on long rolling stages – likes it not too flat and not too hilly. The rouleurs will fancy their chances of a stage win on the stages that are neither one thing nor the other.


BAROUDEUR

A personal favourite. A rider who loves to attack off the front of the peloton, often with little or no chance of succeeding in winning, but at least they get the sponsors’ names and logos on TV for a while. The most romantic and noble of all cyclists. See Jens Voigt.


JENS VOIGT

Will get mentioned a lot as he is 42 and riding his last ever (so he says) Tour de France in 2014. Possibly the hardest cyclist currently in the business - as hard as a lot of very hard nails.


CHAPEAU!

Another easy one - “well done!” As in, “Chapeau! You’ve just dragged yourself up a Hors Categorie climb. Now have seven hours sleep and do it all again tomorrow.”


HORS CATEGORIE

REALLY big mountains. Off the scale beasts like Mont Ventoux or Alpe d’Huez. Roads that seem to go straight into the sky where the air is thinner than Chris Froome’s forearms.


LE MAILLOT JAUNE

Literally “the Yellow Jersey”, worn by the rider with the lowest aggregate time for the race at the beginning of each stage. Refers to both the garment and the leader of the race.


VOITURE BALAI

The most feared sight in the peloton, even more so than a Hors Categorie. Literally translated from French as “Broom Wagon”, this vehicle hovers behind the race and sweeps up (gettit?) those for whom the whole thing has become too much or those who fail to finish within the time limit.

Traditionally an old Citroen H Van, the riders are ceremonially stripped of their race number and driven to the finish in the back.