YOU KNOW that time of year when the council decides to resurface every road in the area because if it doesn't spend all its money, it'll lose it out of next year's budget?

I suspect that our old friends in the Jokeforce, the secret Government department set up to provide material for satirical columnists, is having a similar crisis, because this week they're everywhere.

So where to begin? Well, there were the two Government policy statements in one day: shoplifters and other "minor" criminals are to be let off if they say sorry, while homeowners (yes, owners) could be thrown out of their property if a family member persistently misbehaves.

Quite where they're to go once they've been evicted isn't clear. And who gets the house? A party member? I think we've been here before.

Moving on, we have parents being threatened with "intervention" (NuLabour's latest buzzword) if they're judged to be less-than-brilliant at bringing up their kids. Punitive measures could include nursery rhyme classes where Ma and Pa Scrote would be forced to learn the words to Baa Baa Ethnic Minority Sheep.

In Market Harborough, Leicestershire, a kiddies' Postman Pat musical ride outside a shop has been outlawed by the authorities in case someone walks into it. It's been there, keeping thousands of kids happy, for years. Number of cases of Patricide? Zero.

Go figure, as the hamburgereating surrender monkeys would say.

The ceremony of switching on the Christmas lights in Scarborough won't be happening this year. Ten thousand people turned out last year, which has frightened the fire service who only feel capable of coping with 2,000.

Rather than try to make it ticket only, the council has pulled the plug. Presumably the chair of the public works committee will now have to sneak out at 3am and flick the switch when no one is looking.

Race watchdogs (what a horrible, authoritarian nomenclature that is) are studying a reissued edition of the 1939 Dandy comic Christmas issue because it contains within the dreaded N-word. Well it would, wouldn't it? It's a historical document, not a handbook for modern life.

Now Desperate Dan, Little Plum and Korky the Cat face prosecution and, presumably, a good old-fashioned book burning. Again, haven't we been here before?

YET through the doom and gloom, a bright light shines. A woman called Sue Palmer has opened a nursery in Salisbury, Wiltshire, where the 20 young customers are actually allowed to PLAY OUTSIDE!

The children only come inside for breaks and the rest of the time are allowed to make mud pies, build dens, roam around and explore.

They learn about wildlife and insects, sit round a campfire and play on an obstacle course.

They have learned that stinging nettles sting, that brambles scratch, and that fire burns. I hope they'll soon be taught to roll their own fags and rustle up the odd gallon of home brew.

Ms Palmer should be made a Dame fast? before she's sent to prison for child abuse.