IF ONE image sums up the lumpen proletariat that is this nation's underclass, it's that picture of the fat woman from Rotherham, bingo wings flapping, pushing battered sausages and chips through the school railings to her salad-dodging son.

It really is enough to make you weep. Is she completely deluded?

Does she not understand that the reason battered sausage and chips are not available inside the railings is because scrotes like her are feeding up a generation of obese monsters?

Or is it just that she's afraid that if her darling boy gets exposed to exotic foodstuffs such as pasta and parsnips, she won't be able to live up to his culinary expectations at home? Let's face it, microwave pizza and oven chips is hardly a challenging diet, even if they do splash out on Findus Crispy Pancakes and Angel Delight at the weekend.

I could even handle it if it was just her own offspring that she was fattening up for Christmas, but her and two mates were taking up to 60 orders a day from other kids as well. No doubt it's a nice little earner once you've pocketed your commission from Mr Chippy.

I may even try it myself. Must dash - off to the local primary school with a hundredweight of deep-fried Mars Bars and ten gallons of Sunny Delight.

LIFE increasingly comes to resemble a Not The Nine O'Clock News sketch; the one with the stupid policeman who keeps arresting the same man for "having big lips and curly hair".

Only this time the boot is on the other foot.

A seemingly respectable, white, middle-aged mechanic from Stirling in Scotchland was arrested and thrown in the cells for 48 hours after an off-duty policeman saw him "revving his car in a racist manner" and called in fellow cops. No, really.

The alleged incident occurred when Mr Ronnie Hutton's Lotus sports car started playing up just as Isam Maigel and his burkhaclad wife Hana Saad, a Libyan couple who had only been in the country for two days, happened to walk by. Mr Hutton pulled into the kerb and revved his V8 engine five or six times, triggering the Racial Awareness Panic Button of Chief Inspector Eion Jenkins, another passer-by.

Mr Hutton was arrested at his home and spent the weekend in the clink before being charged with "causing distress by acting in a racially aggravated manner".

Thankfully, the charge was later thrown out by Stirling Sheriff Court for lack of evidence.

Now I have no way of knowing if Mr Hutton was being a prat or not, but the Libyans don't seem to have suffered immensely even if he was. And I do know that if Stirling Police had used their resources more wisely, they'd have been able to send even more officers to rough up Cherie Blah for her alleged assault on an innocent, strapping teenager.