Yet again, I'm asking myself the question: "Why did I go out?"
Year after year, I make a pledge to stay in on New Year's Eve, curl up and watch television with a bottle of wine and a dozen bars of Green & Blacks' finest.
Yet, year after year, I end up going out and, more often than not, driving. I end up sitting bolt upright, stone cold sober, sipping water, while everyone else lolls back in their armchairs supping wine, pointing at me and sniggering.
My decision to go out - yet again - was based on not wanting to upset my friends, and not wishing to be the odd one out by staying in. I know I sound pathetic and, at 45, I really shouldn't care what people think.
But I do. What I need is a lesson from the couldn't care less' school of thought, the am I bovvered?' brigade.
There is a street near my home that is ablaze with lights. In the small cul-de-sac, the houses are lit up every Christmas to raise money for charity. All except one.
Every year, a house in the middle of the street remains unlit, with not so much as an outside light shining from the brickwork.
To me, and to many other visitors, that house is far more fascinating than the other sparkly dwellings. It sends the mind racing - why aren't the occupants involved, was there a neighbourhood dispute, have they failed to pay their electricity bill? Whatever the reason, they clearly don't mind being the odd ones out.
I couldn't do it myself. I'm not one for caking the house with giant flashing holly leaves, nodding reindeer and winking Santas. But if all my neighbours did it, then I would too.
Being the odd one out isn't nice, at least to my mind it isn't.
Like arriving at a party in normal clothes and finding out it's fancy dress. Or worse, the other way around. Some people would laugh it off, have a few drinks and have a great time anyway. I wish I could be like them, but I can't. I was born to conform, to follow the crowd.
I can't count the number of times I've rung friends before a night out and asked: "What are you wearing?" As teenagers, we all did it. I bet I'm the only one still doing it.
Unfortunately, my eldest daughter takes after me. She feels she's a fish out of water because she's the only girl in her class who wears glasses. If anything bad happens in her life, like not being chosen for something at school, she thinks it's because of her specs.
At the school disco, she refused to get out of the car, saying she was too dressed up. She had spotted a couple of classmates in jeans and T-shirts and felt awkward in her dress.
She rubbed off her lip gloss, removed her hair clips, and we were about to head home for a change of clothes when her friend arrived, in a glittery dress and knee-length boots. My daughter had a speedy change of heart and was dancing the night away before I could be a complete hypocrite and say: "Be yourself, don't worry about what other people think."
It won't be hard to guess what my New Year resolution will be. Anyone know any confidence-building courses?
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