Recent goings-on with the railways reminded me of a classic 1953 comedy film from when I was a lad: The Titfield Thunderbolt starring Stanley Holloway.

I have a plot for an updated version of this film.

The storyline goes that a group of clueless politicians think it would be a great idea to allow a company to run the London to Scotland Railway. It fails, losing millions, so they have another go. This too fails, losing millions.

Not deterred they let a third company have a go. Yes, you guessed it, this too lost a couple of billion pounds. Meanwhile, the state-owned stopgap made £1 billion.

A further shedload of money was lost painting stopgap state rail company stock, along with rebranding all this company’s stations, uniforms etc.

Then the farce continues in four years when another hapless bunch take over privatisation.

The punchline is the boss of the third failure is made boss of the state-owned railway. Then there is the clueless Transport Minister who promises a new London runway that can fly anywhere in the world but who cannot get the trains to run from Preston to Manchester yet is still in his job.

I realise the plot is so ridiculous that no-one would think it credible. However, I think the late great Stanley Holloway would make a fantastic Transport Minister.

William Moore,

Lochrin Place, York