10:00am Monday 6th May 2013
By Esther Browning
IT’S taken two of us two weekends, slaving from dawn-to-dusk like frontier pioneers with hammers, tacks and a powerful electric screwdriver, and we now have a wooden edifice in the back garden of which we’re rather proud.
The packaging boasted a common-or-garden garden shed: however we have created something with rather more imaginative flair, inspired by the ski jumps of alpine valleys and tales of crooked gingerbread houses in dark eerie woods. And we even think it might be watertight.
Before you scoff, please bear in mind that this giant construction arrived in just short of a million pieces, and every length of wood critical for straight edges or right angles was charmingly warped for rustic effect.
The old phrase square peg and round hole could have been coined in a single glance at the Gaudi-esque door frame, and we couldn’t find a definitive guide to shed-bodging online.
Hence we bodged freestyle, and freely styled the shed became. The children are calling this garden sculpture ‘the pagoda’, an affectionate term at which one day I’ll probably be able to laugh.
I just hope that with the addition of red and gold paint, some paper lanterns and even a black brushstroke dragon, passing cars (oh yes, we’re on a corner plot for all to see) will marvel at our foresight in architectural design rather than cringing at rarely-sighted roof angles.
After all, do you really think that the Chinese meant to have those sweeping roofs with upturned eaves? And I’m sure the pyramids were really meant to look like giant Jenga, yet attract millions of visitors every year.
Back in Kingston Bagpuize, we’re rather concerned about attracting visitors: in particular, my dad, one of those master craftsmen who can, like the A-Team, build a world-class gokart from a recycled plank, a nail and a bit of old pram.
While I know he’ll be polite, his quality control mechanism is liable to go into overdrive so I now need to grow some trailing vines over the top of the shed before he next comes round.
Does anyone have an emergency number for Pergolas-R-Us?
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