IF you are of a nervous disposition, and not Scottish, then turn away now. The subject for discussion is penalties.

The thorny issue was raised by the shock-horror-revelation from a sports psychologist that England would benefit from practising effective penalty routines to help them withstand the pressure ahead of next year’s World Cup.

Talking about stating the obvious, that must go down as one of the least revelatory findings in all of western history.

Sports psychologist Dan Abrahams said he was “passionate” about creating routines that assist with keeping calm under pressure.

He opined: “That routine when you take a penalty at the end of a game starts on the halfway line with the player’s dedication to keeping great body language, keeping a positive mentality and physiology.”

The gobbledy-gook guff continued: “That makes a difference to the kind of chemicals and hormones you release. When you commit to keeping great body language, having a strong, confident inner voice then you release adrenaline and dopamine – your high-performance hormones that help you execute confidently under pressure.

“When you’re under pressure the brain shrinks, your co-ordination tends to decrease, so what penalty-takers need to do is practise it time and time again in the most effective manner.”

Now while scientifically sound and true, besides being as obvious as the saying practice makes perfect, I’d venture such an observation is hardly likely to help Roy Hodgson’s men come samba shoot-out time in Brazil.

For as all followers of England are only too painfully aware, the spot-kick shoot-out is more commonly known as exit.

Be it against Italy (Euros 2012), Portugal (World Cup 2006 and Euros 2004), Argentina (World Cup 1998), and obviously not forgetting our bete noir, or should that be schwarze Bestie, Germany (Euros 1996 and World Cup 1990), England have suffered 12 yards of trauma, torment and terror.

The three lions were even corralled in a shoot-out in the King Hassan II International Cup in Morocco 15 years ago.

Such is the nation’s poor record – yes, even a win by that method against Spain (Euros 1996) does not make it any less lamentable – you get the feeling that even if Southampton’s 12-yard titan Rickie Lambert – scorer of 33 out of 33 penalties for his club – were to take one in an England shirt he would miss.

And no matter how many routines, drills and exercises a player goes through on the training field – repeating them ad nauseam – there is no way any measure can truly replicate the pressure of taking a spot-kick at an important juncture in a major tournament duel.

That was agreed by all in a general discussion about the subject in the office at the currently truncated Walmgate Towers, now the Walmgate shed.

Several theories were forthcoming, including one former York City writer positing the view that, without resorting to racial stereotyping, Germany’s renowned penalty expertise was perhaps genetic, a trait for cool-headed efficiency.

A colleague’s addition that such deadly marksmanship skills might have come down through the ages from the Prussian military might not be too far off the mark, certainly not as off-kilter as many feeble England attempts at smacking a stationary ball from a distance of just 12 yards.

Maybe, though, it’s a question of language.

For British players, it is 12 yards. But for Europe it’s 10.973 metres. True, that latter range does not quite trip off the tongue but having to convert a spot-kick from ten rather than 12 might convince Continental minds that it’s not that far a route for the ball to travel before rippling the rigging.

As England’s pathetic penalty record was being dissected, The Press’ lone Scot opined that his nation had not ever managed to get into such a tournament position.

“Our problem is negotiating the 120 minutes. We don’t even get to the shoot-out,” he sighed.

But then, guess what? Further investigation revealed how his beloved Scotland, winners of the Homeless World Cup in 2011, prevailed in a sudden-death shoot-out in this year’s competition in Poland.

After a 6-6 draw in normal time, the quarter-final tie went to spot-kick drama and the Scots beat…England.
 

A KICK from 12 yards also burst into the headlines before the break for this week’s international friendlies.

West Brom were within seconds of ending the spectacular unbeaten Premier League record enjoyed by Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho at Stamford Bridge when a penalty was awarded against them.

All who saw the incident knew it was not a penalty, knew that Chelsea’s Ramires was falling before he collided with defender Steven Reid. All, save the Chelsea boss, who said “on the screens” it’s a definite penalty.

What he and his Chelsea staff need to concentrate on is providing enough sustenance for Ramires.

How else, but a lack of nutrition, could anyone explain why he so suddenly swooned and caressed the turf.