Let’s bring back all that nice darkness

11:13am Tuesday 1st April 2008

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DON'T you just hate waking up to British Summer Time?

One less hour in bed, more daylight to pack with more activities, more expense, more stress all round.

Yet there are many who want even more daylight, who would like the clocks to go even further forward to get rid of Greenwich Mean Time and bring us in line with Central European Time.

At present there is only one month - September - when we're synchronised with the mainland Europe. For the rest of the year we're an hour behind.

The pressure group campaigning for this call themselves Daylight Extra.

Well, I'm starting a movement opposing that - Dark Express - which will put forward the many, carefully considered, thoroughly researched reasons why an early nightfall is better for all of us.

Look at what lighter nights have to offer:

1. Relationship breakdowns.
Longer hours of daylight mean men spending more time in the garden. From April to September, I spend a fortune on Strepsils nursing sore throats caused by screeching across the veg patch for an absentee husband.

2. Up-all-hours children.
Who simply won't go to bed because "It's still light". And even when you do finally manage to beat them towards their bedrooms, they spend two hours moaning: "But it's still light, I can't get to sleep, I want to go in the paddling pool."

3. Forking out more hard-earned cash
(See 2) It does not take long for you to realise that in order to have any time to yourself you are going to have to invest in blackout curtains. And even then you'll get the usual: "But I can still see the light at the side." This is where the Duck tape comes in handy. I suggest covering every window with the stuff, which will also go a long way to helping overcome number 4.

4. Cleaning
I know the sun's rays are good for you. Vitamin D, feelgood factor and all that. But in a home devoid of dusters it's a curse. The sun only has to poke through the clouds at this time of year and all those layers of dust, grime and cobwebs (they come into their own at Hallowe'en - friends comment: "They look SO authentic.") It puts enormous pressure upon you to grab a can of Mr Sheen and blast the furniture, fixtures and fittings. Only then you can see any new dust even more clearly, propelling you into a daily dusting frenzy only halted by several glasses of the finest Lambrusco and eight bars of Green & Black's Maya Gold chocolate.

5. BBQs
Or, if we are to use the correct terminology, barbecues, which the world and his wife seem to hold from the start of British Summer Time to the first snows of winter. Smoky, noisy, horrible things.

6. Convertible cars
The flashy ones we've spent the cold winter months smugly mocking. Now their drivers get their own back, cruising around on warm evenings with the stereo up and the top down. Awful.

7. Noise
Call me a killjoy but it's not just number 5 that set my teeth on edge. Those extra hours of daylight after work bring a plague of lawnmowers, hedge trimmers, swing balls (even though we've got one ourselves - biff, baff, biff, baff, all evening, it's like Chinese water torture), trampolines and all manner of unwanted rackets. Even the summertime dawn chorus sends me rushing for earplugs.

I'm already counting down to October 26, when the clocks go back again.