THOUSANDS of letters from one or two people have poured in to the offices of the Evening Press, congratulating me on raising the standard of journalism with me millennium column. Some were from my fellow journalists.

Charles Hutchinson wrote in glowing terms of me writing faculties: "A totally incomprehensible column, with a scattering of loosely connected words and meanings. I can only assume that the editor of the Evening Press had a brief departure from sanity."

For some reason, Pet Lambs, Chris Titley seemed to be more concerned about me health, "I'm very anxious about your high level of illiteracy" he wrote. John Potts didn't actually write, but was seen to fling open his windows and shout to the neighbours: "'Whoopee! A welcome whiff of common sense at long last. Glad to see someone sticking to the rigid rules of journalism." Boy, oh, boy - when you get praise like that from a load of your piers (sic) you know you've arrived!

Where do I live when I'm in York? It's a question I've never been asked, so I'm going to tell you. Now, with 50 quid in the post office, quite frankly Babbies, I could stay in verr, verr, posh hostels for the homeless, such as the Dean Court, Post House or The Grange - but, I choose not to.

I think it was my confidante and life-long friend Mrs Fitzackerly (the mother of Tinky Winky - another exclusive for me column!) who said "reality is for people who don't take drugs". She was on antibiotics at the time, so I didn't take too much notice of the old crone.

However, looking back in hindlegs, I've always been a woman of the real world. I may be rich and famous, but I eschew the glittering Hollywood lifestyle. I am of the people and for the people, that's why I doss down in a two-up, two-down in Acomb with a couple of OAPs. There's only two bedrooms, the dog Jessie has one and I have the other. Me old pensioners, Pat and Doug, sleep in the shed, and Mrs Fitzackerly is very comfortable in the kennel at the bottom of the garden.

Lots of my very nearly famous star friends are astounded that a living legend would choose to live with two sad old pensioners, but I say to them - shut ya gobs, it's free! All right, I do give them a financial hand: I remember vividly giving them a hand to get to Becky Lane Post Office to collect their pension.

Dame's World Exclusive!

An update on my mysterious invitation from Sir Cameron Macintosh and Joan Collins to keep the evening of December 13 free. It's a surprise birthday bash for one of the biggest names in the world! All the national newspapers are desperate to find out who it is. I shall be revealing the name exclusively in me column next week - two days before the big event.

4/12/98

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.