FIRST there was Tony versus Gordon. Then Kilroy-Silk left UKIP to form Veritas, a party with huge appeal among orange-faced ex-chat show hosts.

Now, we're sad to report, a schism has blighted the York Loonies.

This news came out via a suitably bizarre missive which landed on the Diary's desk.

"Know all men by these presents," it began. "The York (England) branch of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party wishes to declare its objection to the selection of 'Eddie Vee' as its Prospective Parliamentary Candidate."

Eddie offered an instant rebuttal. "There isn't a split in the Loony Party," he told the Diary.

Pressed further, he said the notice may have been the work of two members, John "E" Morris, the former Honorary Secretary of the York branch, and Gareth Spydaz, at one-time the branch's Chief Of Fun Police and famed squatter.

The Elvis impersonator didn't think anyone would challenge his position as the party's York candidate at the General Election. "I have party support. I have many supporters."

And Eddie was sceptical about an "unofficial Loony" splinter candidate standing against him and splitting the mad vote.

TO force home the point, the deputy leader of the Loonies, Boney Maroney, then rang the Diary.

"Eddie Vee has been chosen to be your candidate for York," she insisted. "John 'E' Morris is still a member of the party.

"We have asked him if he would like to stand in another area outside York which he wasn't able to accept at this particular point. He wanted to stand in the city of York."

Regarding Mr Morris and Mr Spydaz, she said: "I think they just became that little bit too loony for the Loonies. Eddie will be all right because he's got a big ego to match his large white suit."

FINALLY, then, to John "E" Morris, who was surprised to learn he was no longer the Honorary Secretary of the 30-strong York loonies.

His explanation for the rift: "All the other parties are having splits. It was about time we had one to keep up to date and get some publicity.

"We had a branch meeting the other day and formulated this plan.

"It was three-to-one in favour of Eddie not being our candidate this time."

He denied wishing to stand in his place and instead suggested the York artist Andy Hinkles, also known as Milladdio, should be the candidate. But he is unlikely to boast the psychic powers of Eddie. He welcomed the "impending wedding announcement" of Charles and Camilla on our letters page - in May 2002.

Updated: 09:34 Monday, February 14, 2005