IN between vandalising cutlery and giving the Evening Press a guided tour of The Psychic Museum in Stonegate, York, Uri Geller took time out to defend his buddy Michael Jackson.

Uri said he was desperately relieved to see the singer cleared of allegations of child abuse.

"I wanted to believe he was innocent," he said. "If he was guilty, my faith in human nature and in my ability to judge character would have been shaken to the core. It wasn't."

Geller revealed in the Daily Telegraph on Saturday he had once hypnotised his crotch-clutching friend and then quizzed him over the child abuse claims. The singer denied them while still in a trance, insisted the celestial spoon bender.

Geller told the Diary Jackson was a "nave man-child" who had not been able to see anything wrong with taking boys into his bed. He had been changed by the trial.

"He will grow up now," he said. "He has to. He will surround himself with good advisers and friends.

"The trial will give him a pedestal to resurrect his career. He will come back again. People are fascinated by him. He's the most famous person in the world."

Geller admitted he had not spoken to Jackson since the trial. He conceded he still felt guilty about introducing him to Martin Bashir, the TV journalist whose documentary prompted Jackson's court ordeal.

He was confident he would be reconciled with Wacko J. But our Uri said he would not apologise for introducing him to Bashir. The documentary had been a "fantastic opportunity" for Jackson, Geller said. "But he was so timid and nave and gullible and he could not see anything wrong." And as for Bashir? "I strongly feel he betrayed us. Definitely."

GOOD to see York's loos lauded in a magazine survey today. But where are the city's best and worst conveniences?

For the Diary's part we would nominate for a gong the gents at the Pizza Express restaurant on Museum Street. This building, of course, was once the Yorkshire Club, and the toilets retain an air of opu - rather than flatu - lence.

And the worst? Those at Bootham (now KitKat) Crescent. Once when we visited them on match day, the urinals resembled a scale model of the Helmsley tsunami.

Admittedly our visits to both establishments were some time ago. Have they changed? And are there any more nominations for great and grim loos (we have only visited half the facilities after all...)?

AFTER a breather of some months since his last contribution, to rest his aching brain, the Diary's very own chav has written again.

He explains he enjoyed watching the racing on a plasma TV kindly supplied by a late night "shopping trip" by Chav Jnr.

Writes his dad: "Next year they shud ave Chav Ascot at the Untington Stadium. The feeture race cud be a supermarket sweep with that other queen, Dale Wintin.

"The teams wood start out at Monks Cross, fill there trolleys, dash past the security gards and race round the stadium before loadin up there white vans. Ive even fort of a speshul peace of music for the event - Fanfare For The Common Chav (crazy frog version)."

FROM a press release sent out by supermarket chain Netto: "We are confident that the new range of spreads will be a big hit with our customers."

Updated: 09:32 Thursday, June 23, 2005