FORGIVE me for being so literal-minded. Being the sort of person who texts in complete sentences, including, occasionally, semi-colons, it has taken me a while to work out this ftr thing.

Naively, I thought that the letters 'ftr' were an acronym - albeit it in a trendy, lower-case, ad-speaky kind of way - though of what has always puzzled me. Not any more.

Since York's fleet of shiny new superbuses went into service last Monday, several suggestions spring to mind: 'flipping terrible roadhog' (cyclists will understand); 'fairly tawdry reliability' (ditto the letter-writer who walked rather than miss a hospital appointment) and 'flummoxing ticket regime' (to anyone who tried to buy one on board) to name a few.

Actually, 'ftr' is texting shorthand for 'future', as in "The future of travel has arrived in York". This is the proud boast on the ftr's website (www.goftr.com) which describes an alternative universe where "We will be able to move around freely making journeys in less time... Sleek, clean, stylish and comfortable vehicles will sweep through our cities, taking us where we want to go, when we want to go there... Parking, traffic jams and the stress of driving our own cars will be a thing of the past..."

It doesn't mention any Cybermen, so they may or may not be a part of this the-same-but-slightly-different version of reality, which in no way describes the chaos seen recently on Heslington Road. However, it does conclude by asking, "Sounds far-fetched?" to which the answer, at this stage, must be "Yes". I have seen the ftr and it's very much like the present only longer, to coin a phrase. Moreover, it doesn't work. Not very well, anyway.

First off, I loathe the colour, which seems jarringly out of character with our ancient streets and historic buildings. I'm hoping an ftr gets snarled up for long enough in Clifford Street so that York Civic Trust can slap an order on it to get it toned down to something more in keeping. Besides, it's not as if Queen-Mum mauve is very futuristic. Why not go the whole hog, spray it silver and mount ray guns on it?

Still, it's not fair to rant about the thing without riding it, so on Thursday I took myself off on a little Magical Mystery Tour to see what the fuss was all about.

The first thing that happened was that I spent about five minutes reading all the instructions at the bus stop about the various methods of payment (on board, at a designated 'pay point' or on your mobile), counted out my change (the fare has to be exact), realised that five pence pieces couldn't be used to make up the amount and, since I only wanted a return and not ten journey's worth, decided to find a pay point.

This meant a diversion to MayNews in Parliament Street, where the chap behind the counter didn't know what I was talking about. (Neither, when I later inquired at Jacksons, did other shop staff). I bought a newspaper to get some change, fortified myself with a coffee, got sidetracked by the sale in M&S and returned to the bus stop an hour later only to find that the ftr was free!

I had a very nice chat with the 'host' (the driver, or 'pilot' remains in the 'cabin'), who explained that First York was suspending fares as a goodwill gesture to improve public relations after the launch debacle.

Since there was only one other passenger besides me, this didn't seem to have achieved much. I would have suggested they provide beverages and scented towels but he was too distracted with leaping off to see what was causing the traffic jam we were in (where's that satellite when you need it?).

As we sat on Fulford Road, with one ftr in front of us and another tucked in one bus behind, a group of pedestrians started laughing and taking photos of the purple pile-up on their mobiles. By the time we arrived at the university, the ftr I was on was running so far behind schedule it was taken out of service.

The return journey was uneventful and we acquired more passengers, mostly students, who were given the hard sell about buying tickets on their mobiles. Most of them seemed receptive - prepayment is up to 40 per cent cheaper - but I suspect that the space-agey technology, even when it is working, might put off more traditional shoppers at the other end of the route (sorry, 'track') in Acomb.

So what's so good about this 'state-of-the-art' vehicle with its 'groundbreaking service' that First York have invested £1.3 million in? It's air-conditioned, which makes travelling more pleasant, and the ride is smooth and the seats are comfy. But it's got fewer seats than a 'Bendy Bus' and journey times are slower, too.

Neither is it particularly environmentally friendly. Just complying with European standards doesn't go far enough. Good public transport is a must if York is serious about truly embracing our future, but a fleet of smaller, nippier, less disruptive hybrid or electric vehicles would, ultimately, demonstrate more vision. Or should that be vsn?