'My life is totally better than it was a year ago. It's an indescribable feeling' - how volunteer friends are turning lives around

STEPHEN didn't realise Neil was a former police officer until they had known each other for a few months.

By the time he found out it made little difference - he counted the man he had met through York Mind's befriending scheme as one of his best friends.

On paper they have an unlikely friendship: one is a retired policeman who witnessed tragedy caused by mental illness first hand, the other a young man whose life fell apart when a mental health crisis led to him being imprisoned. But as they joke away and pose for photographs in a light filled room in York Mind in Clifton they might have been lifelong friends.

It was actually less than a year ago ago that 25-year-old Stephen Fish was first referred to the scheme at York Mind which sees volunteers offer friendship to adults whose experience of mental health difficulties have left them feeling socially isolated or excluded.

"I was going through a difficult patch about two-and-a-half years ago," Stephen said, "I got into a bad relationship, I lost my job due to mental health problems. Things spiralled out of control. I got arrested for committing a crime and the police at the time realised I wasn't mentally well so the court said for your own safety you're going to have to go to prison."

It was later found that Stephen had gone through a psychotic episode with an attack of schizophrenia. He spent several months in prison before being moved to Clifton House forensic mental health hospital in York.

The befriending programme at York Mind was suggested as Stephen was ready to return home but had suffered panic attacks on going into York on his own.

At the same time, 52-year-old Neil Ramsden had spotted an advert in the paper for befriending volunteers. After 30 years with West Yorkshire Police, Neil had been struck by the devastation of mental ill health on colleagues, their families, and the people he met through work.

When a friend took their own life, he vowed to help others when he left the force. "[Mental illness] can affect anybody, it doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, it doesn't matter who you are. A lot of the time you don't realise," he said, "My friend had only said hello to me the previous day and I never once thought anything was wrong with him. That enforced it. I thought when I retire from the job I'm going to go out and start listening to people and just giving them something."

For their first meet up, Neil and Stephen had a coffee in a cafe in Selby and clicked straight away, Stephen said, "I thought this is the right person for me. I had a vision in my head that I wanted someone who was a bit of a chatterbox, quite confident, who was also very caring and Neil is all those people in one."

They meet up once a week for a coffee, to go swimming, or for a walk, with Stephen often talking about his week.

Stephen's wellbeing has improved dramatically but it was a setback which made him realise how much he valued Neil's friendship.

"Four months ago I was in hospital due to an overdose and my mum rung Neil up just to let him know," Stephen said, "He said 'do you want me to come and see you in hospital?' I didn't ask him to come or anything.

"After that I thought he is such a good friend to me. I have never had anyone like that in my life who has been there for me who isn't a member of my family or related to me. It's been really nice.

"Now my life is totally better than it was a year ago. It's an indescribable feeling really. I have got a good friend out of it, I have got close family who support me, I have also got support from my psychiatrist and carer. Neil has been the icing on the cake really, he is there for me whenever I need him."

The experience has been equally enriching for Neil, who said he has found volunteering rewarding and now has a genuine friend in Stephen.

For Hannah Hessle, the befriending manager at York Mind (pictured below), Stephen and Neil, are among a number of remarkable success stories for the programme, which is currently supporting people aged from their 20s to 70s.

Their humour lightens up the monthly befriending socials held at York Mind, she said, "They are a comedy pair together and that brightens people. They give back to people in the service."

But the success of the befriending programme means it has had to temporarily close its waiting lists and York Mind is now looking for more volunteers from York and Selby, especially those aged over 30.

In return for two hours of their time a week, volunteers will have the chance to help shape someone's life for the better. "It's such a simple idea but I have found kindness and compassion go a really long way in mental health services" Hannah said, "The clinical stuff is great, the courses are great, but actually what people want is to be listened to and really heard and to have understanding. That is absolutely invaluable. It's almost like kindness is magic. That's what makes a difference.

"Usually we're quite good at matching people, not to blow our own trumpets, but we tend to get it right most of the time. We take the matching really seriously because we know how sensitive these partnerships are. We take hobbies and interests into consideration but also people have a preference who they want to work with. Is it a man or a woman? Age? Also, a lot of it is quite instinctual on our part."

As for Stephen, he is now looking at applying for jobs, something Neil said "was unheard of when we first met."

"I hope to have a job soon," Stephen said, "I'm applying as it is, I'd love to move out. I'd like to have a family and stuff like that and just get on with my life."

- If you can volunteer to help with the befriending service in York and Selby, or would like to find out more about it, please email hannah.hessle@yorkmind.org.uk or call 01904 404938.