PARENTHOOD is one of the most difficult jobs an adult will ever do.

Children don't come with a manual and by the time parents have worked out how to do things right, often it can be too late.

Which is where Family Matters York comes in.

This organisation runs a spate of parenting classes across the York area, aiming to give parents a place to share their concerns and experiences and pick up some sound advice.

"The whole of childhood is a blueprint for the adult we become. That's why it is so important," says Helen Atkinson, who runs the courses in York.

A mum of two, Helen began working in this field 15 years ago having gone on a parenting course herself. "My son was an easy child but my daughter was feisty like me and we clashed from the day she was born."

On the course she learned to accept her daughter's personality, and the power of positive attention, which involved ignoring bad behaviour where possible and focussing on praising the good. She also learned when to pick her battles. It turned their relationship around and led to a happier family life.

Helen sees these changes week in, week out, in her role: sometimes parents come back after only one session telling her how much life at home has improved.

Family Matters runs a variety of courses aimed at parents of teens, but also children in early years and at primary school. There is a group for dads, run by dads, and also courses on e-safety, drug awareness, and anger management.

Most classes are free of charge and run over a series of sessions, where parents open up to each other and also work through a programme set by course leaders such as Helen.

This can involve role play or looking at the key developmental stages in children which explain some of their behaviour.

No matter what age the child, the aim of each course is to build the young person's self esteem and establish a really good relationship between parent and child.

These, says Helen, are the building blocks for family harmony. Also, she says, if a child is well parented, chances are they will go on to be good parents themselves.

"A lot of young people have low self esteem which can lead to all sorts of issues such as bullying. Parents who have a tricky relationship with their child will experience lots of conflict. I always believe there is a way back."

Helen remembers some of the struggles she faced. It was suggested she give her daughter choices, rather than just setting orders in stone. "In winter if she wouldn't wear something warm, I would say: do you want to wear a red jumper or a blue jumper. She would say: green. But at least she was wearing a jumper! Or at dinner time, I would say: a large spoonful of peas or a small one? When she asked for a dog, I would say: yes, OK, you can have a dog when you leave home."

She understands the heartbreak families can face when war breaks out at home. "Parenting a teenager can be such a painful process. It can be so hard. You have brought up your lovely child and had a lovely relationship with them, when suddenly they don't want to know you; they think you are the most stupid person on the planet and whenever you say something positive you have it thrown back in your face.

"Parenting teens requires so much humility and grace. They are attached to our hearts and can press all our buttons."

Helen says parents of all backgrounds come to the courses, and bond together over their shared experiences and problems. Often parents help each other, passing on tips and advice.

"We get such a mix of parents, but the things they have in common are so much bigger and powerful than the things that separate them."

The end results, adds Helen, can make such a difference to family life. "It’s not like going on a diet... usually, these changes are long lasting"

Upcoming classes:

Time Out For Parents: The Teenage Years

Tang Hall Community Centre, Thursday March 9, 16, 23, 30 and April 6, from 12.45pm-2.45pm.

Selby High School, Friday March 3,10, 17, 24, 31, from 10am-12 noon

Time Out From Anger

Tang Hall Primary School, Monday March 6, 13, 20 and 27, from 12.45 to 2.45pm

Find out more about Family Matters' parenting classes at fmy.org.uk