York charity Kyra helps women get back on their feet

EDEN* fled to York after her ex tried to snatch their son. She had been estranged from her partner of 17 years, but feared he might take their young child abroad.

Which was why last year the 45-year-old found herself in York with her primary-school-aged child, homeless and without a friend.

“My ex had been emotionally manipulative. He hadn’t seen our son in a while, but when he did he told him to give him his passport and that he was taking him on holiday. He also told him he was dying of kidney disease. The next day we left. I was terrified at the train station that he might be there, looking for us.”

In York, Eden and her son were given emergency accommodation from the council, which amounted to an attic room in a shared hostel.

“We were in the roof space, and had to share a toilet and bathroom. There was a two-ring cooker in the room and a microwave, a sink and a double bed.”

It was a tough few weeks until they moved into more appropriate accommodation and her son settled in school.

All the time, she was in dispute over her benefits because she was struggling to prove that she was unable to work because of stress and anxiety.

It was a frightening, lonely time – and Kyra was a lifeline.

Kyra is the York organisation that helps women with a variety of problems through counselling, training and friendship.

It was recommended to Eden by her GP. It took Eden six attempts before she finally rang Kyra’s doorbell at its base at the Central Methodist Church on St Saviourgate.

“I just needed somebody to talk to. I’d become very isolated. The minute I came here, I felt like I’d known people all my life.

“They are so kind and there are so many people here with the same issues.”

Eden has undergone counselling, taken a number of courses run by Kyra and particularly enjoys the craft making, which she finds therapeutic.

Looking ahead, she would like to take an access course into college where she could study coaching and counselling.

She said: “When I came here, my wings were well and truly clipped... now I am flying ahead like a butterfly.”

THERE are laughter and tears as Susan* tells her story. The 56-year-old mum of three traces her problems back to her childhood when she never felt she was good enough. “I was the youngest of three and no matter what I tried to do, in my mother’s eyes, I could not compete with my sister.”

Susan fell pregnant at 15. Her boyfriend didn’t support her, and when she met another young man, she felt pressurised into marrying him. I got married and ten days later he had me by the throat over the playpen,” recalls Susan. “It was a very violent relationship and I was put on anti-depressants and sleeping pills.”

She had two children with her violent husband before deciding to leave him.

She married again, this time more successfully, but the scars remain and she remains on medication for clinical depression.

She has tried counselling and psychotherapy but it has only been since coming to Kyra – at the suggestion of her GP –12 months ago that her life has turned a corner.

She was afraid to come by herself, so came with her daughter, and hasn’t looked back.

“It is the most wonderful place. I never, ever, thought I would find myself. I had completely lost myself, I completely didn’t know who I was.”

She points to the counselling and courses she has been on and the help of staff, who are all volunteers, to explain the turnaround.

“It has made all the difference. I have started to know who I am and what I want out of life.”

She has been on courses to help build her self esteem as well as ones to help let go of the past and change life patterns. She has enjoyed reiki, reflexology and yoga sessions to help with relaxation. “Reiki gave me an amazing feeling of inner peace that I’ve never felt before.”

She added: “I am feeling happier; you will see a smile on my face. I feel uplifted and a bit more confident. Even my GP has seen the difference in me.” Susan has managed to give up her sleeping tablets.

“Kyra is a safe place, nobody judges you and it is easy to open up and talk to people. It is surprising how many people feel the same way as you – sometimes you can feel like you are the alone out there.”

LUCY* is now 75 but was widowed in her early 50s. She carried on with her life down south, enjoying seeing friends and visiting her two daughters and her elderly parents. She thought she was coping just fine.

Then one day five years ago years ago, shortly after losing both parents, she started having panic attacks.

“I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat and lost a stone in weight,” says Lucy. Her GP diagnosed general anxiety disorder and referred her to mental health services.

“I went from being an outgoing, socially confident person, to somebody who could not take a step outside. Everyone was saying: ‘I can’t believe what’s happened to you’. I just wanted the old me back.”

A year later, she moved to York to be near one of her daughters, who had heard of Kyra and suggested Lucy give it a try.

“My daughter took me to the first one and then went shopping – it felt like being dropped off at nursery school.

“But from day one, people sat and talked to me. It was like a warm blanket around your shoulders.

“When I come to Kyra, I can be myself. If I am feeling down, I can say so.

“I have met lots of ladies of different ages and class, it has made me a lot less judgemental and more accepting.

“There is fun and laughter here – it’s not all doom and gloom.”

Lucy has enjoyed the drama, cookery and art groups in particular and the drop-in sessions.

She says: “You don’t always want to bother your family, you just want somewhere to go where you know you will be welcome.

“I get palpitations and headaches and Kyra takes my mind of it all. It’s been a lifesaver for me.”

* Names have been changed to protect identities.

Find out more at kyra.org.uk