ARE you looking for an alternative to the same old Christmas entertainment? Or just somewhere a lot cheaper? The worst ever Santa's Grotto maybe?

"Then this is the place for you," says Phil Dodsworth, welcoming you to Grottoland at the Old Fire Station, the temporary pop-up arts venue in Clifford Street, York. "Bring the whole family – except the kids – to come and enjoy the best worst Santa’s Grotto ever to open in York!"

Santa Claus is coming to town with his miserable elves and rubbish Santa's Grotto, a place described as "unsuitable for children", where Grottoland's doors open on Friday for a "festive and fitting final event at the Old Fire Station". An event guaranteed to close down a venue even before opening, in other words.

Brought to you by the creative duo of Phil Dodsworth and Gobbledigook Theatre artistic director Phil Grainger, the Grottoland installation and experience will be a winter not-so-wonderland, the likes of which has never been seen in York.

"We wanted to put the fun and humour back into Christmas and remind people that Christmas is for adults too," says Phil Dodsworth. "So what can you expect? A lot of the content is a closely guarded secret, but here are a few of the things visitors will be able to enjoy: the Grottoland penguin colony; the Grottoland post office, where you can write a letter to Father Christmas; and the chance to work with the elves in preparation for the big day.

"You can also see the beautiful Snowman City, receive a present from Santa and much, much, much more."

Grottoland has a capacity of 100, and you will need to book a time slot online at buytickets.at/gobbledigook/74436 for guaranteed entry in a group to Santa's Grotto.

Grottoland will be open for only six days: Friday, 5pm to 9pm; Saturday, 11am to 3pm and 5pm to 9pm; Sunday, 11am to 3pm; December 16, 5pm to 9pm; December 17, 11am to 3pm and 5pm to 9pm, and December 18, 11am to 3pm.

In keeping with everything being rubbish about Grottoland, the ticket price will be £5 or a special offer of two for £10 and four for £20 and a deliberatively prohibitive £105 for anyone aged under 12 to dissuade pesky kids from wanting to clutter up the place.