10:29am Monday 1st February 2010
By Sue Nelson
IT’S funny the anniversaries we keep. Did you know, for example, that 100 years ago today Britain’s first labour exchange opened? And that the Beatles had their first number one hit in America on this day in 1964?*
Last week was no exception, what with the flush of enthusiasm exercised by some sections of the media reminding us that it was the centenary of the death of one Thomas Crapper.
For this Yorkshireman from Thorne is generally considered to be the inventor of the flush toilet (Or should that be lavatory? Depends whether you get out of the bath to use one, I suppose). He wasn’t. But he did hold nine patents, four for improvements to drains, three for water closet improvements such as the floating ballcock, one for manhole covers and the final one for pipe joints.
He did have a successful plumbing business – his most famous being in Chelsea’s Kings Road – installing flushing lavatories the length and breadth of the land, including at Royal Sandringham, so making his contribution to our plumbing history somewhat significant.
According to some, the reason his name became synonymous with having one is because when the First World War American Expeditionary Force passed through England they saw the words “T Crapper – Chelsea” printed on the cisterns and coined his name as the slang version of toilet. Or lavatory.
Others argue that its origins lie in the Dutch word “krappe” (although it apparently doesnt mean that) or the Low German “krape” meaning a vile and inedible fish. Leaves nothing to the imagination, does it?
As to whether the piece of porcelain in your bathroom is a toilet, lavatory or loo, that probably rather depends on how you were brought up. Lavatory comes from the Latin “lavatorium”, which in medieval monasteries was the monks’ communal wash area and separate from where they went to the loo.
Over time, lavatory has evolved into the oh so polite and formal euphemism for the toilet – in fact, in America the word is seen as somewhat dirty and a bit smutty in polite company. It’s okay to say you’re off to the john, though.
As for loo, there are a number of theories about that too. Some say it comes from “gardyloo” a corruption of the French phrase “gardez l’eau” – watch the water – used in medieval times when the contents of chamber pots were slung out of windows.
Others say it’s nautical, loo being the old-fashioned word for lee. Sailors on early ships would pee over the side – Thomas Crapper not having been born, of course – taking care to do it on the leeward (or looward) side rather than windward to avoid the inevitable blowback. Yeuch, how gross…. You’ve heard the phrase “p---ing in the wind?” Well, now you know where it comes from.
But the thing that gets me in all this is people’s obsession with things lavatorial. And it’s not just whispering kids giggling in the playground either.
For there’s some bloke in America (it had to be, didn’t it?) who devotes his life to uploading useless facts on to a website he describes as a “roadside attraction on the information highway dedicated to toilets-in-art.” One lovely little gem he’s come up with is the fact that the first film to feature a toilet (or lavatory) was Hitchcock’s 1960 thriller Pyscho. The toilet, he says, had one line – “flussssshhhhh” – when actress Janet Leigh can be seen flushing the loo shortly before being stabbed to death. Unfortunately for the toilet, he adds, it was greatly upstaged by the shower.
Then there was the guy from Mississippi who invented a vibrating toilet seat who hawked it round an inventors’ convention in Las Vegas.
“This invention is designed to stimulate,” he said.
“I wanted to add some life to the otherwise lifeless toilet seat.” And yes, he was completely deadpan… As for people’s lavatorial habits I now know why women get so hacked off with men in the bathroom. Apparently, 70 per cent of men leave the seat down. And how many of them ever change a toilet roll? Don’t know. It never happens...
* It was I Want To Hold Your Hand and remained at number one for 17 weeks. Their first UK number one was From Me To You in May 1963, followed by She Loves You in September that year.
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