SOME say that the sound of Tory axes being sharpened can be heard in David Cameron’s sleepy Cotswold’s ward of Chipping Norton.

And no, its not on behalf of Dave’s bullying chum and neighbour Jeremy Clarkson, a fellow member of the Chipping Norton Set, so that the disgraced Top Gear star can vent his rage on some defenceless unruly hazel that needs coppicing.

The axes are in preparation should the Tories be victorious in the upcoming “bogof” election where its likely the UK will get two or more parties for the price of one.

This follows on from George Osborne’s “fudget” as he moved his fiscal goalposts to avoid accusations of taking us all back to the 1930s by reducing his expected £50 billion of cuts to £30 billion.

Gideon has stared into his crystal ball and now foresees a Biblical four years of fiscal famine followed by a fifth year of financial surplus.

But the Tories refuse to say where £12 billion of the cuts will fall, even in light of a leaked report claiming further attacks on the poorest.

The LibLabCon austerity nightmare could be scuppered by a rampant SNP.

And on that bombshell, goodnight.

Tom Scaife, Manor Drive, York.