AS I gather in the research files from my predecessor, Godfrey Bloom, in preparation for my forthcoming term of office, I could not but help notice that in order to comply with EU rules, drugs, smuggling and prostitution will now form part of GDP statistics.

Unlike Godfrey I am not a professional economist, so I asked him does that mean the recent modest but much heralded increase in GDP in the UK include these things. He told me yes, and much more besides.

So let me get this straight. If we could reduce our very high youth unemployment rate in the North of England and get them into drugs and prostitution, the Conservatives could tell us at next year’s elections how well they have done.

I have a feeling I am in for a steep learning curve.

Jane Collins, UKIP MEP for Yorkshire & North Lincs, Main Road, Newport, New Brough.