DARN IT. The Ashes are lost and we’re only in the middle of the tour.

Throughout the festive season and beyond, I’m fated to grin and dodge the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that has of late been England’s.

This is likely to endure until general attention switches to Australian Rules Football that for many years has evaded my understanding.

With Sir Richard Branson having proved the Ashes urn travel safe, and common sense prevailing, it ought soon to be in Melbourne.

Yet this depends, of course, on Lord’s of London inviting Melbourne Cricket Club to share guardianship of the treasured relic and cricket’s Holy Grail.

Betting on the event should be cautious; common sense being rare in top cricket circles.

Ron Willis aka Bill Proude, First Avenue, Mt Lawley, Perth, Western Australia.